A Sexy Holiday Gift Guide, Sort Of

A friend wrote me recently asking for toy suggestions for leading her boy-toy down the road to bend-over-boyfriend bliss; more friends emailed about gifts for their lovers; I just wrote a San Francisco focused sexy gift guide for SFist; next, an autofellatiotasticmeta gift guide roundup for Fleshbot. But in all of that, I felt like dishing out my own opinions on what’s hot this year — not last year’s warmed-over vibrators. Full disclosure: I’m linking to JT’s Stockroom throughout because they’re cool people, have sexy product presentation, and Lucky Lana is La Bomba. (I do not, however, endorse the use of a product they sell called Anal Eze.) The only company linked here that I make money from is Amazon; I might make 30 cents off a calendar. This is all my own opinion. If you’re the sugar type, feel free to donate gift certificates for me to any of the places I’ve linked to below — I’m broke and not celebrating this year, so I’m basically giving you a very biased wishlist of my own! And no, I’m not going to the Good Vibes holiday fetish party because I am not invited, though I do find it amusing that their theme this year is marching bands and cheerleaders. Because I totally don’t have any oufits for that, or know any marching bands. (New readers: I worked there for 7 1/2 years.) Also, I’m not making the trek to AVN in January because there’s no business reason that’s justifiable for the enormous expense — most people will agree that it’s really hard to do business there, and I’d only be going to see and get drunk with many friends (that I miss a lot).

But I *do* plan on going to a lot of other fun holiday parties this year and will post photos as I dress up and go out on holiday thrill-seeking adventures. I’ll also be busy compiling the Top Ten Sexy Geeks of 2005 list — *lots* of nominations coming in — I’ll publish it here monday. So, if you feel the urge to shop in the meantime…

Have a kinky holiday: bend him over with a couture Yule log, and white is the new black.
Wearing a strap-on is one of my favorite ways to play. A two-strap harness is ideal (as opposed to the g-string style). Allows for lots of access so you can jack yourself off (rub your clit) while you jack your cock, pleasurable and menacing/titillating at the same time. I prefer leather and buckles, but for airports/travel you might want a fabric model; machine washable, very nice for cleanup. You could also get a harness with a hole (no backing) and use one of Vixen’s unique double dildos that penetrate both partners at once with the thrusting of the harness.

How about no harness required? I have a Feeldoe (actually two sizes), and you can find advice for double dildos and bend-over-boyfriend fun here. The bulb end is held in your pussy and the dick is a nice shape for ass fucking as it’s not contoured. The small one would be my recommendation for novice ass-tronauts.

That brings me to the dil for your hapless doe (buck). For any thrusting activity get a dildo that is not contoured, or wider at the base than the top. The sphincter muscles are a ring about 1-2″ in depth and wide based dildoes are not comfy as they stress the (possibly already tense and worried) muscles. A bulb at the end is fine, and can be nice for prostate stim, but remember you’ll then be putting the biggest part in first, which might be too intense for your virgin. I’ve had that happen. This looks like a fab kit.

Things in white are rare in the sex toy world, and they just look oh so sexy for holiday gift giving. Check out strap-on kit The Honeymooner; the Echo silicone vibrating dildo in Ambrosia; a white leather leash; white leather ankle or wrist cuffs; white leather collar (or dainty choker). For machine washable fabric versions, this restraint kit and blindfold in white nylon looks lovely.

I can’t forget to mention the leather santa hats and stockings those crazy kids at JT’s have, too — for the purists; the model is a total hottie, too. Madame S‘s bondage balloons will make your fetish holiday party the most talked about all year long.

Items I’d give my eye teeth for this holiday season
Feather Cocktail Dress, 60s Jumper, Latex Opera Gloves, China Girl Dress, rubber motocross oufit (!), Ribbon Cincher, and I’ve been drooling over this cammo corset all year.

Sexy 2006 calendars
I regretted my hasty purchase of Neglected Murderesses and The Deranged Cousins by Edward Gorey 2006 dayplanner once I saw all the hot dirty ones I could’ve gotten… I guess it’s not too late for me to get On the Couch, Wild Guys (hawt) or Lust. Or the delicious flipside: Elvgren, Trevor Watson: Kinky, She! Sie! Elle!, Steve Diet Goedde and Erotic 2006. Of course, you can always get you free calendor porn fix here.

Best porn of 2005
Xana and Dax. Nina Hartley’s Guide to Erotic Bondage. Suck It Dry. Alternative Worldz: Atlanta XXX. The Crash Pad. City of Flesh 5: Lisa’s Little Secret. Erocktavision 3: Sapphic Desire. Jenna Loves Pain. Pirates. Halcyon and Tassy’s Pinkgasm site; right now see a teaser for “Pink Santa Daddy & slave reindeer tassy” photoset for the RobOnt 12 Babes of Christmas.

Get The Merry XXXmas Book of Erotica, edited by Alison Tyler, and grab my new Best Women’s Erotica 2006 (nice writeup at Babeland). Package a jumbo candycane with my Guide to Fellatio (how new cover!).

And finally, if you’re looking for that perfect item that screams “pervert” and “originality” all at once, check out the variety of sites and software (like iPhoto/iDVD, FlipAlbum and Flipbook Printer) that can take sequential images or short .avi movie files and turn them into a flipbook. Portray yourself giving a jumbo candycane the holiday of its life, wiggling your tushy, spanking your butt, spanking your monkey… or any other naughty but nice message you’d like to pass on to that special someone. (Thanks, Kathryn!) And for all you horny cheapos out there, there’s always the adorably naughty and ever-sexy free vintage nude e-postcards at Retro Raunch, or MyPleasure’s mild-but-kinda-spicy holiday ecard selection.

Photos via RobOnt 12 Babes of Christmas.

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SRL news

From the ten mile long RE/Search email I got from my pal Vale:

> 4. SRL founder Mark Pauline has to move his legendary “shop” where
> SRL has been headquartered for almost 25 years. Blame the anti-artist
> unreal-estate conspiracy. RE/Search, in cahoots with
> MarkPauline-AmyCritchett-KarenMarcelo–Scott Beale–Eddie Codel &
> more… is barely beginning to plan a fund-raiser benefit for the SRL
> Move to New Quarters–a move that may cost a staggering $100,000 …
> scheduled date of the SRL benefit: Sat, Feb 11, 2006 in San Francisco
> at the Hayes Valley Market, corner of Hayes/Laguna in San Francisco.
> Watch for it — like we said, it’s still in the planning stage…
> The night before, Fri Feb 10, 2006, the SF Indyfest will celebrate
> SRL with the San Francisco premiere of the video of the SRL Los
> Angeles, April 2, 2005 Show, followed by a conversation between
> RE/Search founder V. Vale and SRL founder Mark Pauline. A Q&A, and
> small party, will follow. Women’s Building, San Francisco, 18th St
> near Valencia, 9 pm.
> We recommend that all SRL fans plan to come to San Francisco for the
> SRL Weekend: Fri-Sat, Feb 10-11, 2006. Anyone from out of town will
> hopefully be granted special attention!

Yup, we’re getting kicked out of our warehouse where we’ve been for about 20 years (we’ve been around for 25, but not always in the same location). I truly believe that when we (re)move the archaeological history of industrial culture that consists of machines, half-finished projects and historical-yet-functional multi-ton machine tools, the ceiling will cave in because our stuff will no longer be holding up the crumbling walls. It’s like that. We are a not-for-profit, volunteer run group; we have repeatedly refused to be co-opted by Hollywood and corporate culture. We are also still in debt from our last show; please do set aside a few bills for our fundraiser next year and keep your eyes peeled for a space here in SF we can move to…

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Sexiest geeks of 2005

I’m taking nominations for my list of the Top Ten Sexiest Geeks of 2005 — email me at violet at tinynibbles dot com with suggestions. Or, tell me who you *don’t* think deserves to be on the list; all confidentiality will be respected to the utmost. I’ll publish the list here on my blog next week. There’s been so much hot geekage this year that it would just be an oversight not to put together a wanky, snarky, funny year-end list about whose back-ends we’d most like to hack our way into.

And yes, I’m getting tons of mail about the Tribe thing; from a lot of big players who won’t let me quote them, dammit.

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Geek Entertainment TV interview

Last night’s Sex Machines show was excellent! BUT, my SRL friend Eddie showed up with Irina Slutsky, who cornered me and said “Hi, I’m Irina Slutsky. Can we interview you for Geek Entertainment Television and then can you take over as a guest correspondant and do interviews — I feel sick and need to go home.” I said, “Okay. What!?” It was about 1 hour after I posted the Tribe and 2257 post, and told them about my day; they made it into an interview. So, if you’ve ever wanted to see me talk… here I am, dressed as usual — they caught me in jeans, glasses, with all my dirty unstyled hair tucked into a hat. Totally not expecting it.

Violet Blue tells us what 2257 means to Tribe.net (post + link to video)

I’ll drop the file into my podcast feed, and as soon as GETV posts the interviews I did later that evening, you can watch me grab the microphone and chase and harass the inventors of The Thrillhammer, the Monkey Rocker, and Timothy Archibald. I show how one machine works, and one of the inventors humps my leg…!

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Best. Holiday. Videos. Ever.

“Vote Chris ‘Christmas’ Rodriguez to replace Santa this year. (…) He’s just a man. But so is Santa.”

Not totally new, but still quite enjoyable. Link — warning: will make your nose into high-velocity eggnog sprayer.

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Tribe and 2257

Tribe.net started implementing their version of adhering to 2257 laws, and the Smart Girls’ Porn Club, among other tribes, is affected. My permanent link to the discussion group of over 450 women about porn, may not be a valid link for much longer. Women in the club lamented Tribe having the “2257 brick thrown at them”, but I have a different story to tell. My Smart Girls’ Porn Club post is below:

This might get me kicked off Tribe, so I’ll reproduce the text on my blog 🙂

Tribe has not been hit with the 2257 brick. Tribe is *voluntarily* applying the 2257 laws to itself — its members, the tribes and the very architecture of Tribe itself.

Two weeks ago Tribe asked me for a phone meeting; I didn’t know what it was about but I figured it had something to do with Tribe’s mature content. They explained to me in a half-hour conference call that they were gearing up to change Tribe’s architecture (entry pages, etc) to conform to updated 2257 laws, which are record keeping requirements. The federal law now requires website owners to keep *physical* records documenting, among other things, that “a book, magazine, periodical, film, videotape, digitally- or computer-manipulated image, digital image, picture, or other matter that contains a visual depiction of an actual human being engaged in actual sexually explicit conduct” is over the age of 18. Visual depictions *after* 1990, mind you.

Link to text of law.

“Sexually explicit conduct” and “obscene” are the key words bandied about by means of definition of what falls into the law. Keeping records, according to this law, means that for each image the webmaster must have copies of the person in the images’ Social Security info and legal photo ID, and all names they have ever used in a physical location somewhere; a business that is open at least 20 hours a week.

When the Tribe guys told me what they were doing, I first lamented that I’d just finished wirting a great book about our porn club due out next year (full of awesome quotes from y’all). Then I asked just how they were going to try and define images depicting “sexually explicit conduct” and “obscenity”. I explained to them that the definitions in the law are shadowy and subjective at best, and here’s why:

Over at adult site Eros Zine, my friend (the editor) had to go through all of their images and try to define the difference between a photo that was sexually explicit vs. not. It made him insane; “Is her butt red from a sunburn or a spanking?! Is she holding her breasts in a sexually explicit way, or just posing!?” Then there’s the matter of images that fall into the freedom of speech category — 2257 would prohibit *everyone* in the US from seeing images such as the prison photos from Abu Ghraib. The law is so broad, it can include bloggers, publishers, television and Hollywood. A political or human rights tribe would be wiped off the Tribe map for failing to conform to the laws, by including an Abu prison photo in their photo album.

I then explained that they were putting themselves in the tricky position of defining obscenity — that by considering Tribe a porn producer and conforming it to 2257, the law would put them in that position. I explained to them how obscenity is defined in the American court system.

I told them that the state of the law in the United States about sexually explicit material revolves around keeping pornographers and adult retailers on their toes, never knowing for what, or when, they might be prosecuted for offending “community standards.” The law in the U.S. states that something is considered “obscene,” and therefore illegal to create or distribute, if a court *somewhere* says it is. You might hear people in and out of the adult industry say things like, “Showing urination is illegal,” or “Showing S/M with sex is illegal,” or “Portraying Bill O’Reilly as a journalist is illegal” (and if isn’t, it should be) — and all these cautious statements are incorrect. In fact, there’s only a single test, which is when a court in any of the 50 states decides that a particular thing (DVD, book, picture, fake journalist, whatever) is, by the “standards of the community,” obscene.

No one making porn knows if what they are doing is illegal or not. This situation, I explained, is reminiscent of organized crime tactics, and is not an oversight; the U.S. Supreme Court is quite aware that the only way that retailers and pornographers can really be sure they won’t be prosecuted for “obscene” material is for them to avoid portraying activities that might possibly be interpreted as obscene (and now, sexually explicit) — anywhere. In a court case for obscenity, the accused is held to whatever the local community’s standards are for obscenity, as determined by a jury.

Okay, I probably left out the part about Bill O’Reilly, but I was on my toes enough to rake them across the coals a bit to try and let them know what they were about to step into. They told me flat out that they felt that the definitions in 2257 in regards to sexually explicit conduct were absolutely clear — I even asked them to repeat the statement. I asked them to think about the fact that they were going to enter an arena of applying community standards to tribes all over the United States, and what is not obscene here in SF, like a picture of a leatherman in assless chaps, would most certainly be considered obscene to someone in a Kansas tribe.

Their reply to all this was that they were going to rely on users to “flag” images and tribes as obscene. And that they were going to rely on the architecture of Tribe to force people to join in order to even look at a URL. Of course, I was instantly upset about what this means — the links I have put on Fleshbot, and on my site to the Smart Girls’ Porn Club are essentially dead links that lead through a multiple page signup process requiring personal informaiton. No one, I told them, would click through that. Linking to Tribe would be pointless. We’d lose the women who are just curious and maybe a little nervous about porn and exploring their own sexuality — many of which are in this 450+ member tribe.

I thanked them for the courtesy call; it was clear that they had already decided all of this and the call to me was just to make nice. I told them to please call and talk to Jason Schultz over at the Electronic Freedom Foundation before making a move. I don’t know if they did; I have yet to talk to Jason. I got notices in my tribe mail about removing images as the moderator of mature tribes, the penalties and the changes to Tribe’s Terms of Use. I have done nothing. I am waiting to be penalized.

I think they are making a huge mistake, based on a law that is unenforcable. The law violates privacy — I was sent the 2257 information for the porn performers I featured in my last podcast. I now have enough information to steal the actual identity, and stalk, every performer in that film. They performers don’t even know I have that information, or who else might have it as a legal requirement, and nothing makes me more uncomfortable than having that information in my posession.

The law is meant for primary and secondary producers of porn, not online communities. The law violates our federal right to freedom of speech. The law is obstensibly created “to protect children from being exploited as [porn] performers”, not healthy adult enjoyment of human sexuality. In truth, 2257 laws are less about protecting children from porn exploitation, but instead about regulating porn businesses, free speech and healthy adult sexual expression into unfesability.

My boyfriend sent me a link this morning, “check out this dude’s Tribe profile!” I clicked the link and went to a signup page, with no login. I signed in, and tried to go to the URL, and went to the same signup page. I can’t get to the link. And what will happen to our RSS feeds!? This tribe is now frozen in Tribe time.

Update: video interview on Geek Entertainment Television: Violet Blue tells us what 2257 means to Tribe.net (post + link to video)

Update: a dear friend (who has a big famous site and wants to remain anonymous) writes me:

“Very powerful post you put up this morning (yesterday?) about Tribe eating itself. I’ve never been to their sites except once following your links to the porn club; now I clearly never will. They have just commited suicide in response to vague-but-real dangers, like a man jumping off an urban bridge because he hears approaching sirens.

A suggestion, though, if I might — please don’t confuse obscenity with “sexually explicit behavior.” I doubt you have, but your post could lead to confusion on that point — whether something is obscene has zero impact on whether 2257 applies to it, nor is 2257 content rescued by redeeming social value or a context of supportive community standards. That’s exactly why the Abu Graib torture photos are in no danger of being deemed obscene, but could still be prosecuted under 2257.”

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Sex machines invade SF

If you’re in San Francisco tonight, please do check out my pal Timothy Archibald‘s Sex Machines: Photographs and Interviews slideshow and talk at Modern Times Bookstore. Timothy wrote an amazing piece about his sex machine travels and experiences all over America in my book Best Sex Writing 2005, and we’re both familiar with 888 Valencia, as that’s where we did the opening night reading for the book! There will be machine makers from various west coast locales on hand — notably the maker of The Thrillhammer, which was used in my live teledildonics demonstration. And the makers of my most delicious holiday present last year, the Monkey Rocker. Read the bite-sized article I just wrote about the whole event for my SFist column, beginning here:

SFisting: Sex Machines Slideshow: The Squeaky Thing Gets the Grease

With San Francisco as the home of Survival Research Laboratories, the birthplace of Combots and Robolympics, and the location of Fucking Machines secret lair, we have to wonder just what is in that good old SF tap water…

So when we heard that Bay Area resident Timothy Archibald was hosting a slideshow from his new book “Sex Machines: Photographs and Interviews” at Modern Times tonight, it made perfect sense, in the same way it makes total sense to infrequently see a remote-controlled V1 rocket engine blasting fire on 16th and Mission. [click here to read more + info]

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