Craft Corner: DIY Porn In iPhoto

Warning to all delicate and sensitive PC-using readers: this is a Mac porn tutorial. But, take notes because this DIY porn slideshow project can be translated to many slideshow programs, and is *great* for putting on in the background while you get busy with a lover… Or enjoying fun images of your choice while listening to a sex podcast or several!

Why is porn so lame? It’s a question this girl asks herself every day. Almost like “why is the sky blue”, except something could actually be done to change it, though I’ll be we’re stuck with scary fingernails, caterwauling Barbies, unintentional 80s retro, fake-tit bimbos, dangerous sex acts, and gyno-medical fetishes for some time to come. I’m not talking about Comstock Films, Bleu Productions, Eon Mckai or indies like Pink and White. I’m talking about the *other* 12,000 titles released each year.

However, crusing around the web I often find a picture that flips that little arousal switch to “on”. Sometimes I find many tasty galleries. And maybe I want to enjoy them for my own private use later. Maybe I want to make my own porn — something a gazillion times better than “White Trash Whores #57”. How about taking that slideshow function in iPhoto and making is a special triple-X show, just for me (and a friend)?

Step 1: Images
First off, I’m not telling anyone to take and use photos that do not belong to them. But I know that lots of people have caches of hot photos they love to visit when feeling amorous (or self-amorous), or stumble across an image that just needs to be in their private collection. Drag the image to your desktop, or right-click to save it. Open iPhoto and drag the images into your library. Better yet, get out the digital camera make your own naughty slideshow — and show it to (or give it to) your lover.

Step 2: Make a Dirty Slideshow
Select the pictures and click the “new slideshow” button at the window bottom. Now you’re looking at your sideshow in the main window. Give it a name — but unlike porn box covers, you’ll use spell-check, right? If the pictures aren’t in the right sequence, you can drag and drop them into the order you find most pleasing. You can also add new ones by dragging more from your library, or the desktop.

Step 3: Editing

Click on the “settings” button to tweak with the duration, scale, fades and music settings. This will give you a chance to make a long, langorous slideshow, or a quick and dirty flip-through. How do you want the transitions between photos — does the hottie in the photoset strip for you in a fade, mosaic, dissolve, page flip, reveal…?

Step 4: Music

I can’t even begin to relate how many times I’ve started watching a hot DVD, and had the music completely ruin my arousal — bad music is one of the ultimate hard-on killers. Still, porn videos continue to have music that sucks so bad I’m considering going to a hypnotherapist to erase the psychic scars these experiences have left on my libido. But in iTunes, you can add any music you want to your private porn slideshow, or a dirty podcast if you want hot talk (or no music at all). Click the “music” button at the bottom of the window to bring up your iTunes library and make your selection. If you want to use more than one song (or podcast), select a playlist. Once you’ve made your selection, go back to “settings” and “fit slideshow to music”. Know that if you loop the slideshow, the pictures will drift out of time with the audio.

Step 5: Enjoy!
This may not be what iPhoto was made for, but it sure is a fabulous sex toy — slideshows can be used solo or coupled, or even with a group. Imagine lighting candles and having it run in the background with some sexy music while you exchange erotic backrubs with your hottie du jour. (Sexy slideshow + Portishead + warm massage oil = sublime.) Or, maybe it’s a novel way to listen to your favorte erotica being read in a podcast. Don’t forget that if you want to have the slideshow running for a while you’ll need to go into your System Preferences and change your screen saver and sleep settings, so your computer doesn’t time out before you do. Your slideshow can be exported as a QuickTime movie (for private use only, of course) — just go to “share” and hit “export” and select a size. Choose small sizes for emailing and large sizes for burning to a CD.

Get *really* freaky with iPhoto: more (unintentionally) dirty slideshow tips here.

** Photo of model Luba by Peter Hegre from cat in a tree; links to set are all dead 🙁

*** Update: Ed emails to tell me “Tiny Nibbles readers who are jealous of Mac owners like us should check out Picasa. I honestly like it better than iPhoto (much faster, more editing options, still quite intuitive), and it has similar slideshow capabilities to iPhoto, although it lacks the convenient integration with iTunes for choosing music.”

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All Your Wikipedia

are belong to marketers:

“I can’t say who I am, but I do work at a company that uses Wikipedia as a key part of online marketing strategies. That includes planting of viral information in entries, modification of entries to point to new promotional sites or “leaks” embedded in entries to test diffusion of information. Wikipedia is just a more transparent version of Myspace as far as some companies are concerned.”

(Boing Boing link)

I have been encouraged by my pal Thomas to get busy with accurate sex info at Wikipedia, but haven’t had a chance, though until now I had still intended to. Now I’m not so sure. I blogged SugarHive: The Sex Wiki and Wiki After Dark last week on Fleshbot and now I wonder how contaminated these wikis could get with adult spammer-type marketing content. It’s fairly easy to weed through the lame porn spam entries in things like and Technorati, but I wonder…. then again, big porn companies can barely match their press releases with their site content (and many have just discovered spell check), so why should I worry? Oh yeah — penis enlargement pill companies. Just think, you go looking for hope and advice, or at least information so you can get your sex life back in gear, and it’s an entry about pills and crappy dick pumps…

Update: BBC responded to their part.

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Great quote

I stumbled across this great quote a while back about blogging and felt particularly moved by it, especially when it resurfaced in my files today:

“i love blogs. i love blogging. not because i love to tell you all about my awesome, monumentally boring fucking day, about how there’s traffic on the freeways and shit on the radio and sluts on the teevee. but because when i take a breath of this world and every thing from the sick and ill to the devastating and the beautiful that haunts me fills me up and my chest wants to burst, i can take that energy and turn it into kinetic energy through my fingers that punch this keyboard, turning it into light energy that i see as pixels on a screen. and then it goes out to anybody in the world who wants to come on in and check it out. and maybe, just maybe, a few of you out there will connect with it. or even respond. and i feel less alone. i get to be a satellite. or a beacon. and the light’s on whether anyone’s looking out for it.”

—Lithium Journals (now defunct)

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How to find Open Source Sex in iTunes

I’ve been getting a lot of mail about not being able to access all of my podcasts in iTunes, so here are a few screencaps — click to enlarge:

** Update: London Boy made me a present — this link launches iTunes and opens it to Open Source Sex! Thank you!

Type in “sex” and you get this:

Type in “Violet Blue” and you get this:

Type in “Open Source Sex” and you get this:

As you can see, it looks like I only have one podcast. But if you click the little arrow next to “Explicit”, you get the full monty:

It’s so cool to have the parental advisory label on my podcast. Oh, Tipper, your legacy will live forver!

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In the SF Chronicle!

I’m pinching myself, I’m in the San Francisco Chronicle (print and web), in an article about… sex podcasting!

“Hot, steamy and now downloadable: Aural sex shimmies into the podcast as ‘podnography’ trend takes off”

I’m totally freaking out about this line:

“The Bay Area’s Violet Blue, according to Gray Dancer, is ‘the goddess of sex podcasting.’”

Wow! What a huge compliment. I’m pretty speechless, to say the least. But I just have two questions after reading the article. Susie Bright is featured heavily, yet she does not have a podcast. She has a show on the pay-subscription service, and she uses a professional radio studio, but no podcast. Confusion about the medium? I do end up educating journalists quite a bit in the interviews, both about podcasting (most don’t know what it is but want to write a story), and about sex. Also, why won’t my local newspaper’s site link to me? Full disclosure: I was persued for an interview for this piece, but wound up playing phone tag with the writer, who seems really nice — I have been so sick (yes, still sick, now on antibiotics) that anything except Fleshbot has been difficult to even think about. I just blog, sleep, blog, sleep… I want to do a new podcast but still sound just terrible.

Anyway, it’s an enjoyable article. And yay, I made it into my local paper! Thank you, Daniel King.

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If you’re wondering where I’ve been, I’m busy blogging at Fleshbot this week — ten posts a day, so it’s like spending all day looking at porn and sex culture with me! Here are a few highlights:

Orgasm Alley (nice sex machines)
Morning Wood: Stewie’s Sexy Party
Wet Spots: Dan Savage and the horse-fucker (or fuckee)
SugarHive: The Sex Wiki
Alta Glamour
Wet Spots: Bad Barbie Bad Ken: dolls that party
Vintage Wetlook
St. Tropez Leisure
Sex Toy of the Week: Venus Pillow
Mapping Sex in America

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iTunes, Sex, Podcasting and America’s Sexual Shadow

Well, *that* was the worst flu I’ve had since I was a child. A few interesting tips: AlkaSeltzer Plus Nightime followed by a beer will make you hallucinate. Robitussen expectorant, later followed by Campari and soda (lemon twist), is not to be trivialized. Needless to say, despite my ill-advised experiments with cold medicine and nightcaps, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.

And I’ve been getting a *lot* of email about iTunes and sex podcasting, from journalists, podcasters (sex and not), people in the iTunes top 20, and lots of new listeners. A good number of the emails I’ve gotten are asking me what I think about the fact that my podcast, Open Source Sex, virtually disappeared from iTunes’ #3 spot literally overnight. The emails are very supportive, and many suggest that it wasn’t an accident.

Last friday night when I was in New York, I left the apartment smiling after a BBC podcast interview and seeing my podcast still in the #3 spot. By the time I got to my friend’s party at about midnight EST, I was told upon arrival that my podcast was not to be found in the top 100. I chalked it up to user error, but mused that I wouldn’t be surprised — after all, my podcast had been removed for no reason (and with no explanation) once before, along with a number of other sex podcasts, and only mine had been replaced. When I got back to the apartment at around 4am EST, I checked and saw my podcast had dropped to #20. By the morning, it was off the chart. (Now it sits at #82.) This coincided with two extremely divisive and inflammitory articles about sex podcasting and Apple/iTunes (one in which I was misquoted, and done so quite out of context; lesson: be carfeul who you talk to).

Looking at my download stats tells a story. On wednesday the 27th, the day I hit #3, my downloads show a gradual increase, peaking at a little over 10,000 for Open Source Sex #15 (the most recent one; the one you get when you hit “subscribe” in iTunes) on thursday, still peaking nicely on friday. Then, an abrupt drop. Could 7000-8000 people have suddenly lost interest in a podcast that has the word “sex” in it, and occupied a little spot in the top ten? Sure, it’s possible. My show isn’t *that* frequent, or even practical.

I don’t have a corporate podcast, advertisers or sponsors, so my livelihood or job isn’t at stake here; it’s just all very interesting. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if it was an intentional ejection from the front page of iTunes, not because I think there’s anything sinister at work, but because it only makes sense that the word “porn” associated with iTunes is the huge pile of dog poo on the sidewalk that Apple would rather not step in. Mind you, few sex podcasters associate the word “porn” with their podcasts — but the journalists who wanted to press the “kneejerk” buttons in their readers came up with “porncasts” and headlines like “Podcast Porn Proves Popular”. And I’ll bet that the good folks at Apple know that iTunes is fine with sexual/explicit content within the context of artistic merit. They also know that the word “porn” used in articles with what’s seen as a (burp) “family” brand could only unleash the wrath of reaction from America’s monstrous sexual shadow self. In shallow America, where things like Fox News teach dubious facts and values, porn and sex are things to be afraid of. America titillates itself regularly with its fear of sex, where sex is alienating, dehumanizing, immature, materialistic, shameful. And, if it were true that they just wanted to get the word “sex” off the front page, iTunes has the power to make me and my kind go away, and they have the right within their medium to do so. iTunes is a business, not a democracy.

So, I totally get it. And I know it’s totally my job (and the job of Open Source Sex, and others) to exist and be light to the shadow. Thousands (actually, hundreds of thousands) of people are finding value, healthy titillation and healing by what I’m doing with Open Source Sex. But what gives iTunes and sex podcasting a sinister glow in all of this is the fact that the top 20 has gone from indies to corporations within a few weeks. Example of the trend: “Apple Podcasting Goes Mainstream”. There were some grumbles in my Podcast Tribe when I posted the Wall Street Journal article; not about the sex, but about the democratic nature of podcasting being turned into a commodity for CNN, ESPN, ABC News… The point of view I’m coming from is that of Bob Cauthorn’s great article, “Memo to mainstream media: You don’t get to blog”. In it, he begins with:

“It is, I’m horrified to report, a direct quote: ‘We gotta get into that blogging thing if we want to get snaps from younger readers…’

Now, if you happen to hear these words coming from a very senior, 50-something editor at a well-known American newspaper I’m sure your reaction will be exactly like mine, namely: ‘uh-oh, I’m going to have a grand mal seizure now…’”

So, following this logic, by all rights CNN and ABC News shouldn’t be *allowed* to podcast. Corporate radio stations shouldn’t have featured podcasts on the front page of iTunes. They *already have huge media outlets* that reach millions of listeneres/viewers. But of course, the converse argument is that like Fox News and blogging, they’re likely to utterly miss the whole point of blogging (and podcasting by extension), and will churn out the same old shit everyone’s running away from — why they’re going to blogs and podcasts for in the first place. My answers to journalists about my indy sex podcast vs. what might happen when mainstream companies like Maxim and porn companies like Vivid start podcasting, is that I feel the market would ultimately sort itself out. People are a lot more sexually sophisticated than anyone out there in media thinks, and they’re tired of being insulted and shamed. I feel that people will choose the form of entertainment (sexual and otherwise) that appeals to them. But what hinders the free market access to information is when corporate and moneyed interests are placed ahead of indies in a free, formerly democratic medium.

Curious, that. Now, podcasting seems all a lot less cool and very yesterday, when you take all the danger (sex) out of it. But definitely expect “podcasting” to be the “word of the year”, like blogging was last year — several years after we’d all been blogging, of course.

But hey, I’m not the only one in the world with a sex podcast! At #34, we have “Sex Talk“, which iTunes lists as being from “unknown”, though they publish Sex Talk’s personal email address in the “artist” column. That’s the kind of respect us sex people deserve, right? Actually it’s a show about gender and feminism, which I featured in my first Sexy Podcasts roundup. (Check out my second one at the very cool

Some sex podcasts were dropped from iTunes and never replaced, as I’ve mentioned before. Take Rubber Canada for instance. RC wrote me,

“This whole iTunes thing really pisses me off. I totally went to all kinds of trouble to decipher Apple’s podcast XML specs and put a whole shitpile of proprietary code in my RSS feed, only to not have the show appear. Apparently it was up for a very short time, and then removed. I only found this out from sources such as yourself.

The iTunes thing doesn’t surprise me, though. Apple is becoming more and more of a content provider than an edgy computer and software developer. As such, they are probably telling each other in their board meetings that taking the easy path (the lowest common denominator) is the best way to go. They have left a few podcasts in the Sexuality category, but it is about half of what it used to be. I am a fanatic when it comes to Apple hardware and software, but think the Disneyfication of iTunes totally blows. Once again, trusting people to think for themselves and perhaps exposing them to something different is trumped by the censors and the executives who are too chickenshit to take a little risk. Sex is part of humanity. Ignoring that fact is counter-productive.

I wrote Apple a stinging email yesterday scolding them on their sex/podcast policy. I hope they listened. I don’t think the subject matter in my podcast is more “offensive” or explicit than, say, Fetish Flame, and they have been in the directory since the very beginning.

Very irritating.”

Or, how about Whorecast, who writes me:

“I’ve been following your sex podcasting saga with the iTunes Music Store with great interest. Last January, I started a podcast called whorecast, which has been in the iTunes Music Store without drama until today. When I uploaded an archive of podcasts from rizzen this weekend, it seems this triggered a review of my podcast by the iTunes staff —

1. They added my artwork (finally)
2. They changed my author field to my name, not my private email
address (only on the most recent podcasts, of course)

but what the fuck, number 3: they starred-out the word ‘whore’ in the titles of two of my podcasts (as well as the word ‘pussy’).

So far, I still have a title: ‘whorecast’ without it being starred out, but I wonder for how long.

My podcasts are more political than pornographic, though I did podcast an orgasm and read naked from my bubblebath — oh, for shame! As a sex worker, the term ‘whore’ is hardly offensive to me — but to Apple, well —

Do you have any advice for contacting Apple and getting my “whore” back?”

Indeed. Well, it looks like after the flu, I’m pretty much back from the dead. And I’m feeling fiesty.

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