Ack

Wrenched my back this morning rushing my kitty to the pet hospital (he weighs 14lbs). Ow, ow, ow. He’s sleeping now and on watch; the skin had been scraped off the front of his nose in a big patch and it was messy, bloody and alarming. He was really cool at the vet’s, totally knew what was going on. While waiting for the doc to come back in the room kitty sat next to me on a bench (out of his carrier) and we read People together, and I pointed out to him the airbrushing techniques on a photo of Joan Collins and Linda Evans (combined age: 162). While the vet and I discussed his treatment, kitty jumped into his carrier and barked at us whenever our conversation paused. The vet and I couldn’t figure out what happened, but he’s on antibiotics now. Poor sweetie.

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Holy frosted cupcakes, Batgirl!

fetish sexI’m on Rachel Kramer Bussel’s hit list of preliminary BEA autographing picks! And she loves my sig file. But it’s true; I’m being flown out to Washington DC at the end of May to be a celeb book signer at BEA for my book, Fetish Sex. It’s something I’ve never done before, I mean I’ve had low-key book parties and signed stuff, but never in such a lineup and treated in such grand fashion. I already feel like the nerd girl who made the cheerleading squad, like they’re gonna find out I don’t know a single Kelly Clarkson song any second and take away my poms. But that’s cool; I’ll try to liveblog the whole thing and see what happens. Rachel has already threatened to abscond with me to free parties with her pal Jessica and a whole posse of femmebot hellraisers. Seriously, I’m going to set up a phonecam blogfeed for this one…

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My 500th post

And the episode of Open Source Sex #34, “Richard’s Secret”. Text:

One long story — a quickie, with benefits! Saskia Walker graciously permitted me to read her hot story, “Richard’s Secret” from Taboo: Forbidden Fantasies for Couples. In it, a couple share a very kinky sex slave for a night (with a twist), including explicit bisexuality, cunnilingus, bondage, male submission and much more.

Link to post Open Source Sex 34; Link to MP3.

Wow, I also just noticed a huge new upgrade to the Libsyn podcast upload interface — it’s even more user-friendly now than all the versions of Movable Type I use at a variety of different “big name” sites. Neato! I love Libsyn.

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Blog Her, right in the eye!

nerdpr0n(The post in which I prove to some that I am a bad, bad person, as they really knew was true all along.)

A friend emailed me earlier today asking if I’m going to Blog Her. I thought, blog who? Then I dimly remembered, in the wayback fuzziness of my porn-alcohol-Strunk and White-Raymond Chandler-jacking off in front of the computer too much-addled brain, that someone I knew, once, mentioned a convention or something called Blog Her. I seem to remember BH mentioned in nice, dulcet tones, and some sort of other disharmonious chords chiming in as well. Really, that’s all I remember. It was Webzine 2005, so it was actually my last memory before I woke up with my clothes off monday morning and a “we are the media” sticker still crammed in a personal crevice that Shall Not Be Named.

My friend emailed saying, but a famous woman on the internets is going. Are you going? I said “no, I have my limits. I will dwindle away in quiet obscurity while cows on stilts occupy the limelight, tending to my hearth fires of interenet blogwars and crazy blogger cat ladyness.”


Now, I know I’m supposed to be supportive of all the soccer mom bloggers and blogs about knitting and stuff — and I am, in fact I know and love and link to plenty of people of *all* genders who knit and bake bread and soccer-mom (usage: verb). But in the spirit of conversing and wasting time on the internet and trying not to read another piece of erotica (only 117 submissions left to go!), I visited the Blog Her site. Which looks like the HTML equivalent of a sports bra. There are indeed some good writers there. But of course, I looked for the sex section. But instead I found a “Sex & Relaitonships” section. I wheezed. I squirmed. I thought, why the “and”? Why not a sex section *and* a seperate relationships section? I have hundreds of links to women-run and -authored sex blogs that are about sex, sex, sex and porn. Not much soccer, but lots of scoring; the relationships are with thier pussies. Because they are women. But then, I reminded myself that the “& Relationships” was the necessary pastiche to make things for women “okay” and not dirty and fun, but safe and right in the place that we belong, clutching our romance novels waiting for the next Julia Roberts film, you know the one where Richard Gere gives her a hamster and they call it… Oops, outside voice again.

So I cruised their “Sex & Relationships” blogroll, looking for porn. I am not the only one, and we all know it, so don’t even hit “send” on that email yet. Then I saw how tiny it was. It’s… weird. Then I saw that you have to *join their site* and submit yourself to the blogroll. Oh, I get it — in fact, I get those emails all the time, the “Submit your site and join our service to enter the FluffUFluffMe Awards!” (Not an actual blog awards event, but coming to a URL near you this summer, I’m sure.) Self-selection has a funny way of not breeding diversity. A half hour later wasted perusing their TOU and privacy policy I wondered why there was a choice for “male” in their gender category on the signup form. Then I wondered how trans-friendly they are.

Anyway, I had that taste in my mouth — no, not the “just licked Astroglide off the monitor taste” again. That *other* taste.

I wrote my friend back, “besides, they’re seemingly allergic to actual sex and porn bloggers of the female variety. they would have to invite me and make me feel like a bloggy piglet bathed in pageview slop. and give me vicodin and free alcohol.”

I wrote, “omg, their site looks like a jogbra.”
I wrote, “okay, this is seriously awesome — I’m not in their ‘sex &relationships” blogroll!’”
My friend wrote, “For someone who people seem to think knows something about something, I actually know nothing about nothing and am not entirely sure what it is I’m supposed to know something about, anyway. So ….what exactly is a blogroll?”
I wrote: “a blogroll is when you become a human hot dog bun for the insertion of other people’s links and you massage their traffic until they quit blogging and people are all like, omigod, did you see violet with that hot dog in her mouth? it looked like a dick!”

Now you know I am a bad person. I’m going to go eat a vegan hot dog now. And plan on how I am going to get sex with another human sometime in the next month. Here, look at some really hot porn.

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What’s on *your* juice box?

juice box pr0nParents shouldn’t be worried about naughty podcasts or iPod porn — there’s a bigger threat out there… Juice Box Pr0n! Since I can’t seem to get Phillip to let me edit an issue of Naughty Make (he, in fact, pretends not to know me when I bring it up no matter how much blow and hookers I offer him), I feel a certain duty to show off Hornboy‘s latest invention. Originally intended as an electronic lyre for marching band practice, he’s been tinkering around with a Juice Box, alternately making it scroll the mysterious language of musical notation and bending bits of brass to affix it onto various shiny metal musical instruments lying around my house.

It was about two seconds later that I found porn on it. When queried about the new wave of portable porn devices and image sourcing, he sheepishly shrugged, “I got it off Fleshbot.” Oh.

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An awesome gift from Coop

hatefest cover
I’m pinching myself all over — Coop made me a present and sent it to me and I have it right now! Guess who I’m dedicating it to!?

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