Squeeze that mouse: Kewl stuff to read

shanghaiadcexpo.jpgI think I missed a week of online sex reads — no matter, as Boing Boing had my back (door) covered. And no, they’re not *all* authored by futuristic sexbot-of-my-dreams Xeni Jardin. A wrapup of essential Boing Boing sex posts:

* What’s nice about doing this recap was that I got to see all the posts in related context and comments from readers that I’d missed. Check out Foodgasm v Porngasm: Can you tell the Difference?; Funny 1965 anti-pornography educational film (dig the remix Come Join the Fun: fantastic cutup version of “Perversion for Profit”); Spam for weird bottle opener (love this!); must-read: LAT’s damning profile of Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis; amazing, photo via: Photos: Shanghai “Adult Toys and Reproductive Health” Expo.; New TSA restrictions and sex toys: whither the lube? (great comment in this post from my pal and fellow sex educator Cory Silverberg); chilling: UK man faces jail over ‘made-up’ child porn images — essential follow-up with lotsa comments: More on the legalities of “made-up” child porn; TSA: “no butt plugs” airport screening graphic.

* Rachel Kramer Bussel is quite happy with the cleavage situation. With all those lickable pictures, I am too.

* My pal Girl With a One-Track Mind had her much-anticipated book come out, only to have her true identity outed by the press. When I went on a wild drinking night with her last summer in London, her privacy was so important that she wouldn’t tell me her name, and I understood. She’s quite upset. But it’s a good object lesson in the world of sex blogging and sex and blogging — if you really want it to be anonymous *don’t tell anyone about your blog*. Ironically, “anonynous sex blogger author” Belle de Jour has something to say about all this. But the days of mystery erotic manuscripts are over. She’s more famous for it now, and that sells books and gets traffic, right? Still, I’m glad she didn’t delete her truly enjoyable blog, as many sex bloggers do when faced with upheaval.

* Lastly, I’m quoted lots in today’s MSNBC article about teledildonics, future sex and sex tech — though I come across as quite cranky about the current state of teledildonics. Mind you, I did the interview at SRL in between machine loads while squatting on the floor leaning against the Williams jet engine because it was ther quietest place I could find — and Bob made faces at me the whole time I was trying to be serious talking about jacking off with electrode-laden leotards on. Read Will technology revolutionize boinking? Computers and chemicals spark creative ideas in dirty minds and truly marvel that people still actually use the word “boinking” in a non-ironic context. So retro.

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Richard Kern is still having fun

His new galleries at New Nude City look great. Don’t buy anything, but dig my free access to these mini galleries: goth girl, stockings, panties. I still love New York Girls, but after that he had (what I felt was) a boring lull, and now he’s getting interesting again. A bit, anyway.

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Big praise for my new book!

In an email from Ernest Greene and Nina Hartley, about The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn:

“First, Nina and I both want you to know how much we enjoyed TSGGTP. We’re recommending it like mad to everybody. It’s amazing how little otherwise smart people, male or female, actually know about porn and how to find any kind they’ll actually enjoy. I think you really did us all a big favor. Now, if only we could get all the producers to read it … ”

Yay! I’m floating…. Wow.

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Take off your clothes and throw Barbie on the bonfire

Sick of crappy porn? Me too. If I have to sit through another body-by-Barbie production where the chicks’ boobs look like those Alien face-huggers about to burst out and kill me, going through the same old boring sex positions and jackass sex acts, I’m going to drive the V1 to Silicone Valley and reduce it to an oozing melted glop of unsafe sex toys and cheap stripper shoes.

Which is why I feel it’s my civic duty to tell you about two things: the deadline for submissions to HUMP! and erotic photographer Samantha Wolov‘s call for couples. I want you to make love to the camera for me.

HUMP! is Seattle-based The Stranger’s amateur porn contest, and it’s become quite a phenomenon. Last year they screened to totally sold-out shows and got tons of press — and really put the popularity of independent, DIY porn on the map. You see, everyone knows that most porn sucks, and not in the way we like sucking. It doesn’t look like sex — when we watch stuff that turns us on in mainstream porn, it’s because our brains are parsing out the bits we like and editing out the bits we don’t. Wouldn’t it be nice if we liked *all* of what we saw? Well, mainstream porn distributors dictate what comprises the content of commercially available porn. These guys have set formulas of what they think should be in every porn movie — definitions, and mindset, that is deeply flawed due to their antiquated ideas about what’s sexy and how sex *should* be. They’re totally out of touch with what consumers really want to see, and how the rest of the world is having hot sex. That’s why HUMP! is important — and why, if you have a camera with video function and something like iDVD or even QuickTime Pro, you should do your part in tossing Barbie on the bonfire.

The deadline for video submissions is August 21. Read their guidelines; the videos only need be a few minutes long. Yes, there are prizes — a trip to Vegas for the AVN Awards (and if I go this year, I want to have cocktails with the winners), and $2000 cash! w00t!

And for couples, there’s more. My very first video podcast — way back in November ’05, ulp — featured the erotic photography of the sublimely talented Samantha Wolov. Now she’s moved from DC to San Francisco and her work is being used on book covers (including my upcoming Best Women’s Erotica 2007 and another as-yet unannounced book of mine). Samantha emailed me today looking for couples who love sex and would enjoy having that captured on camera.

She tells me, “i’m absolutely open to any and all types of people and sex acts, but my only requests are that a.) everyone be over 18, b.) nothing be illegal (no sheep, for example), and c.) they be comfortable having their identities shown (i.e. faces). gay, straight, bi, pansexual, heteroflexible, two people, 10 people, it’s all fine by me. people can email me and ask as many questions as they’d like, and i’ll try to be as open and helpful as i can. the photos are about the couple, so i don’t have any specific requests for what kind of shots i take, i just want to capture people who obviously love sex and are very into their partner(s).”

Samantha’s email is samantha@his.com — check out her hothothot galleries at samantha wolov; new work can be seen on her blog Nekkid with a Camera. Photo via Samantha Wolov.

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Girlfuck is teh cuteness

A hot girl sent me this link to GirlFuck, an awesome online comic howto on good, old-fashioned girl-girl fucking. I love “Can girls have sex without men? But without a penis, how is it possible?” How, indeed…

Unrelated: I just noticed that my pals at Adult DVD Talk are podcasting porn star interviews. I don’t know if it’s any good because I haven’t listened to any episodes yet, but I’m definitely going to check out the Savanna Samson interview where she talks about going into the wine making business, especially since her wine has gotten such rave reviews. It’s a beautiful world.

Image via NoThInG In CoNtRoL, who sent me her new site updates this morning. Yay!

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[Video] Sock puppet porn

Dear me, in that last post I forgot “delivery man”. I’ll make up for it with this hilarious sock puppet porn video, not new, but very funny. Embedded after the jump.

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HowTo: Pay for a pizza (not)

My pal Thomas writes me,

> Never having had sex with men, I need to ask something.
> Do men having sex really do that thing where they say “Ooooh, yeah” — hissing intake of breath — “Oooh, yeah” — hissing intake of breath — “Ooooh, yeah” — hissing intake of breath….?
> Or is it something they only do in porn, like wearing socks?

After much consideration, my answers to this are yes, but only if:

* your first name is Kandye, Krystal, Jazzmin or Jenna
* your last name is Kleevage, Kupps, Lixxx or Jameson
* you have one name and it is Houston
* in your everyday writing and speech, you regularly substitute the words “meats” for “meets”, “cum ons” for “come-ons”, “asspirations” for “aspirations”, “cums” for “comes” (as in “Billy Cums Home”)
* your last feel-good film was Destinaiton Dirtpipe, Who Let the Whores Out #2, Swallow the Leader #3 or Black Pie for the White Guy (all real titles and recent releases)
* your male sex partners always wear sunglasses and your female sex partners sound like that time you accidentally stepped on the cat’s tail really hard in your stripper heels
* your exchange rate for cable service, plumbing repairs, building maintenance, rent, car service, office supplies, classrooom delinquency and pizza delivery, is a blowjob

Now I want to write The Ultimate Guide to Dirtpipe Milkshakes. I doubt Cleis would go for it.

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