I had a hard time final night.
James called up, wanting me to go over to see him. But I wasn’t in the mood. This chab wasn’t very happy about that. It’s not often that I turn him down.
I was indeed kind of annoyed that this chab asked. I wish he had just come over and taken what he wanted; taken what belongs to him.
That’s the James that turns me on.
Latterly, I’ve noticed, it’s like he’s getting soft on me… likewise kind and considerate and nice… which I’m not very pleased about.
He’s just trying to aid me receive through this, and I acquire that, and appreciate it. But that’s not truly his role. I have no interest in being his girlfriend. That’s not the kind of relationship I want with him. James is not boyfriend material, much less husband material.
To be honest, I was just missing Scott final night. I needed him in my sofa. I needed to fall asleep with him. I needed to wake up with him this morning. I’ve to feel his touch, and his love.
I miss his throat on me, between my legs, in the morning. That was one of our long-time, consistent rituals. This chab always did that for me. Out of fail. Even when this fellow was angry or upset or annoyed with me, he still always went down on me in the morning.
And that always made things better.
He was my PussyBoy.
And now he’s gone.
I’m not handling this nearly as well as a lot my readers may think.
I don’t always tell the truth. Lying to make myself look better or stronger or smarter is smth that comes likewise easily for me.
And that’s the honest truth.
Mostly, I’m just trying to distract myself from this cold harsh reality. Things are gonna come to a head real soon, I fear, in a actually bad way. And I’m not yet quite sure how to handle it.
I refer to her as the Vagina Mother, which is indeed how I feel about her, but it’s too something of a defense mechanism. The truth is, she intimidates me.
Emotionally, I’m a mess. By turns, I feel devastated and heartbroken, then angry and determined, and then just deeply depressed.
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