Email to James (with this pic): I’m tired of all the turmoil and…

Email to James (with this pic):

I’m tired of all the turmoil and the drama, and the fear and uncertainty in my life.

Whatever I had with my spouse Scott is gone. As hard as it is for me to lastly admit that, it’s what it is. I have no control over that anymore I still love him, and care about it. But this chab doesn’t indeed appear to be to desire me anymore in any case.

Final week, when I went to visit him… seeing the fellow u love in prison, broken and lost, seeing the fear and anxiety in his eyes… knowing what’s probably happening to him in there, those things u talked about… and then hearing him tell me, “I’m done with u. You don’t get to come see me anymore. I’m have nothing left to suggest you.” It broke my heart.

I even asked him, “Why are you saying that? You’re intend to be out in a short time. I’m not giving up on u, or on us.”

And his response: “I don’t think I’m getting out anytime in a short time. There’re things u don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“What things?”

“They monitor everything here. My lawyers warned me. They’re probably monitoring us right now.”

“I don’t care. I love you! What things are u talking about?”

“My lawyers said me not to talk about it.”

“But we’re married. Don’t we have that privilege protection thing likewise, like you told you have with your lawyers?“

“I don’t know. But they told me not to talk about my case with anyone. Even you.”

“So what are you saying? You don’t desire me anymore?”

“Look at me. Look where I’m. I’ve lost everything. Why would u crave to be with me anymore. I’ve nothing to suggest u.”

“Don’t talk that way. U can’t give up! U need to be rock hard.”

“I have no strength left to fight anymore.”

“Don’t u dare give up! You need to be rock hard!”

“I’ve been beaten and raped in here. The guards know and they don’t care. They just laugh about it.”

“So you’re giving up? Just like that? Just ‘cuz some chap raped you?”

“It wasn’t just one.”

“So what? You wish me to be with James? Is that what you want?”

“You can do whatsoever you crave B______. James or whoever. I don’t care. U don’t have to worry about me anymore. I’m done.”

The rest of my conversation with Scott glamorous much went downhill from there. 

That dude turned and started yelling at one of the guards, who was on the other side of the room, watching us. “I”m done here!! I’m done here!! I’m fucking done here!!”  Like he was eager or something. Just ranting and raving.

Two guards walked over. Grabbed Scott. And took him away.

I cried uncontrollably from that pont of time, and during the whole drive back home.

U may think I’m powerful, like I pretend to be. But I’m not. I’m a mess. I’m as broken as Scott is.

And then there was last night.

The way you insisted on coming over to see me, not really caring what I thought or what I wanted, barely giving me any notice, and not caring that Scott’s parents were here sleeping in the guest room… it scared me.

I thought you just wanted sex. But I should have known more wonderful.

Hearing your unfathomable voice calmed me. Feeling u hold me, and kiss me… and the way you gently picked me up and carried me into the great room to talk… made me feel safe.

In that moment, I just wanted to vanish with u. Somewhere far away.

I kept trying to hush u coz I was worried that Scott’s mother would wake up and see u there. And wonder who u were. And I am NOT willing to have that conversation with her.

Scott and Kimberly and I aren’t the merely ones going through a lot right now. Scott’s mother is also, and his father. We all are.

I basically loathe her. And this babe majority definitely detests me. But I still feel bad for what this need to be like for her, as a mother. I know she loves her son, and only craves the almost all good for him. Which isn’t me in his life.

But then… the way u unbuttoned your shirt, and nudged me down, and made me take your shlong in my mouth… the strong masculine smack of you, and feeling your hand on the back of my head, guiding me and making me suck it for you, feeling your ding-dong grow hard and thick in my mouth… and the smell of your body… I just felt this comforting sensation.

And after a during the time that I didn’t really care if Scott’s parents woke up and saw everything.

I don’t care about that anymore. I don’t care if they know anything. Maybe they know already. Who knows. But even if they don’t, it’s all going to come out eventually anyway.

Obviously, my days here are limited. Scott’s mother is probably gonna kick me out any day. They have time and money for lawyers to force things to happen, and I’ve nothing to fight her with.

Like Scott, I’m tired of fighting in any case. I’m done with this. I can’t take it anymore.

Sometimes I wish you would come over in the middle of the night and drag me away from here. Take me someplace harsh and dark. Rip off my garments, chain me up, and just make me one of your whores. I know that’s all I’ve ever truly been to you, just a piece of wazoo, but I’m okay with that. That’s all I deserve.

I’ve never said u that I love you. Not coz I don’t. But cuz I’ve always been scared to. Scared of how you might react. And scared of Scott finding out. I know it would hurt him. And I don’t crave to hurt him.

But things are different now. It’s time for me to move on.

I wish it could be with u.


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