You never know the true agenda of anyone, and though the woman I worked with on the CNN segment was very cool, smart and supportive, still, while the tape was running she threw in a surprise question about porn and exploitation of women. I think that is the one time I smiled; it sounds weird to have smiled at that moment, but I had a feeling it would happen. I think I answered okay on the spot, it’s just the same tired old stereotypical questions about porn, anyway. If I go on to the CNN bonus round for a point/counterpoint debate, which has been talked about, then I’m sure I’ll get all sorts of lovely leftover-from-the-1950s questions about porn and rape, and child exploitation and animal porn. You know, the stuff those conservatives stay up all night hoping really exists.
We’ll see. I stressed about this interview, and studied CNN beforehand to see how everyone looks and behaves. First, everyone looks like their panties are painfully pinching off circulation to their tender bits. No problem: the shooting pain in my back and neck gave me the perfect glassy rectal-thermometer-made-of-ice look. I observed that yellow and blue look terrible on TV; I solved this with a fitted pinstripe suit and white wifebeater. I noted that on MSNBC, everyone’s hair and makeup is the same as in 1989; my hip hired-gun gay stylist, who looks like a sexy Mr. Clean, gave me a romantic 60s look. On a side note, I also observed that on CNN, it is absolutely okay to look totally baked if you are Donald Trump. I probably look a bit baked right now as I write this, but lemme tell ya, I got nothin’ and no interns to fire.
The interview took all of ten minutes when all was said and done. I did have fun going into the studio, and upon seeing the fake illuminated panorama of San Francisco on the wall behind my chair, I chirped, "Cool! This is just like the Daily Show!" They did not think that was as funny as I did. But I was stoked. I *love* fake news, and am thrilled to be part of it all.
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