Orgasm Shennanigans

BoingBoing’s *other* simmering sexpot David Pescovitz pointed me at a post he made today about the NY Times article re: the crazy lady who wrote a book about female orgasm: Secret purpose of the female orgasm.

My reply: > Oooh! She’s way off. Male nipples *totally* serve a purpose. 😉

> This part is sad: “Since so few women do…”
> Worse, she seems to think that fun is not linked to evolution (how
else would the cannabis plant have evolved?) and she seems to be
operating on that tired old “default sex” theory in embryonic
development. Quelle dinosaur. This is the attitude that since embryos
start out female until they get the “it’s a boy” chemical cocktails,
that female is the “default” sex, that the clitoris is some sort of
inferior vestigal penis. Default, like what you’re stuck with until
you change your settings. Hardly. We are clearly the superior machine.
We do not have an erectile tissue shutoff valve, allowing us to get as
many hard-ons, and have as many orgasms, as we can handle. Seems like
a prime evolutionary tool to me…

> I’m also guessing (wildly!) that she excluded lesbian sexual contact
and intersex people from her data. I’d like to take her to task. Fuzzy handcuffs not included. Thank you for sending me this…

So I’m calling “shennanigans!” on Dr. Elizabeth A. Lloyd. I wonder, did she study women who *don’t* come from clitoral stimulation, and did she explore the female anal orgasm? What about these women, are they evolutionary retards, left for the wolves of natural selection? Of course, I’m thinking of Chloe. Were sexually empowered women in her study, or women who have discovered radically hot sex after childbirth? Of course the female orgasm “is for fun.” But suggesting this, in this context, is like saying female orgasms are frivolous, like all “female” things. And that our sexual nerve pathways are just penile sloppy seconds.

So here’s my theory for the good doctor: You better fucking believe the female orgasm is evolutionarily necessary. Because if we have sex and I don’t have one, I’ll kill you.

Things almost as yummy and good as the wine I’m drinking right now: David Lynch daily weather report, cool dolls I found for my Fleshbot day job today, Tentacle Eye, tie me up with this, DIY sex doll with towels and porn (agh! I hope I go blind!), welcome back Daze, Cult of Mac nominated me as their poster girl, Cuddlefish: rollergirl obsessed, hey — I have a Honda motorcycle and a gun, too!

Holy crap. I just opened an envelope containing six book contracts. I’m going to go get more wine.

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Saturday night: Writers with drinks

This event is on the main page, but in case you’re the kind of person that likes to fast-forward to the good parts, sniff their own panties and just go straight for the blog, here’s the really cool thing I’m doing this Saturday night:

This weekend if you’re in San Francisco, put this on your naughty to-do list: On Saturday I’m reading in a benefit for Other Magazine, “Writers With Drinks.” I think it’s going to be a hell of a show, especially since it’s brought to us by the naughty girl who masterminded the ballerina pie fight. The lineup includes: “fancy East Coast writer Alicia Erian, author of Towelhead; Tad Williams, author of Shadowmarch and The War of the Flowers; Ken Goffman (RU Sirius — WTF is up with his out of date website?), the former Mondo 2000 ringleader; Liz Henry (Cuts From The Barbershop, Slut Utopia); comic Bill Santiago,” and me! So if you’re in town, come to The Make Out Room, 3225 22nd. St. between Mission and Valencia (San Francisco). Admission is $3 to $5 sliding scale, Saturday, May 14, 2005, 7:30 to 9:30 PM, doors open at 7:00 PM.

I’m the first reader up, which is actually my preference; I request to be first whenever I read because then I don’t spend the whole night nervous and twitchy, not able to relax and enjoy the other readers. Plus, then I can drink more. Other magazine is really, really fucking cool and I’m totally flattered they asked me to read for this fund-raiser. I’m gleefully compelled to support indy publishing and genderfuck every chance I get!

Random: I *heart* Landscapes With A Corpse (photo)

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Best. Opener. Ever.

This has to be one of the best openers to an email I’ve ever gotten, but since it’s from a highly visible someone who works in the porn biz (Gram Ponante) and (w00t) here it is:

“Yay Violet Blue! I was overwhelmingly relieved when I found out tinynibbles was not written by your Klan Rally namestealer.”

A marriage proposal is tempting, but cult-like adoration will have to suffice. You see, their email was well-timed; it came right after I opened a submission email for Best Women’s Erotica ’06, a letter where the author started by complimenting me on being a porn performer, I think in hopes of making it in the book. Actually, that works the opposite way. Confusing me with the racist porn performer who started using my name well after I had been published and poen columns online and in many places shows me that you do not take a minute to read the intros on my main and blog pages, that you don’t look at my photos, that you’re not paying attention. I wonder, do you work for AVN?

Still, it bums me out to be reminded of the fact that a search for my name yields things like “see teen Violet Blue get gangbanged” and is associated with someone who says in interviews they think the US should “kill the whole Middle East.” Not funny.

So the email from the porn valley writer tickled me to no end, and showed me that someone is paying attention after all. Then, tonight I went to Aaron Hawks’ “Locus in Quo” opening at the Shooting Gallery (where I took these lovely pictures of the performance), and afterward I had a cocktail with my friend Erika Bellas. She told me about her very irritating problem: when she searches her name, she gets a few relevant hits, but also gets “Ericka Bella’s Gang Bang.” This really sucks for her, especially when she goes job hunting and and potential employers Google her name. But what a relief to hear someone with a similar problem — and a friend, no less! Bizarrely, she told me that sometimes Violet Blue and Ericka Bella’s (porn sex act) come up together. Coincidence? Strange, and awful, but true. How do we make it stop?

Meanwhile, I’m a bit absent lately: I have the first manuscript for Best Women’s Erotica ’06 due June 1, an eassay for Russ Kick’s Everything You Know About Sex is Wrong due on the 15th, a reading Saturday, a lecture to students Sunday, a Dorkbot presentation on Teledildonics June 1 (with live demonstration; details soon), and my day job at Fleshbot all keeping me really, really busy. Happy busy.

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To Russia, with lube

w00t! I just got back from a meeting with my publisher, where I found out that both of my oral sex books — The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio and The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus — are going to be translated into Russian this year! So now English, Spanish and French… Engrish is next!

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He-Man *is* fabulous

I’m now ready to admit that I have a fetish for cartoon mashups, especially if they’re superheroes. I’m addicted to Robot Chicken. I pre-ordered the Harvey Birdman season 1 DVD — and had a marathon when it arrived, permanently scarring my nostrils from all the beer that accidently shot through each time Peanut or Avenger appeared onscreen. (Seriously: do not eat or drink while watching.) Hornboy has a complete Harvey Birdman costume, and I have a skin-tight vinyl Batgirl outfit, complete with cape… But they’re totally for Halloween, and stuff. Really.

With that, I have to share the most fabulous He-Man video, ever, guaranteed to make your nostrils into beverage launchers:

“Fabulous Secret Powers”

Other things that feel good to rub on: Post Label Against Bush (thanks Mike!), Ray Ceaser, Absolutely – Complete Tool Collection, Eros.Coloribus, Evil Signtist: Evil Sign Post (YaY Hornboy!)

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Sex doll centaur

129_2955.JPGThis has to be one of the more fascinating and bizarre set of photos of strangers interacting with… an even stranger sex toy: a sex doll centaur. They sure seem to be having a lot of fun with the weird dolls and dolly parts, but seems to me that after an hour, or ten minutes, those dolls *must* be the best place to catch mono. Or hepatitis. Or something. Hoof and mouth disease? But, but — I have so many questions! What does one do with a big female centaur sex doll? What’s under her tail? Can you autoclave it after all those people have left their germs on it? Does she come with a feedbag and lube? And what’s up with that giant icky boobie — is it the centaur’s weapon? Are there two connected by a chain so she can swing them at her foes while she utters a fearsome war cry? And why was Sean Connery there?

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SRL rss feed

For those of you who just can’t get enough of us smarty-pants sexy evil grease monkies and scary-smart nerds in SRL and all the other weird-cool stuff we do in our spare time, now you can subscribe to our SRL RSS feed of upcoming events and stuff we’re into.

Update: for the hardcores, who don’t care what we do when we’re in our Clark Kent daily personas — the “official” SRL RSS feed (Pretty much only gets updated around showtimes and “official” SRL appearances — or you can just check the front page of our site!):

Cool RSS reader for those of you who use mozilla/firefox (the *best* browswer for porn):

Scrolls the headlines across the bottom of your browser (thanks Karen!).

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