Nibble Me Quick

Again a teensy entry; I got called in for Fleshbot duty this week, which keeps me fuzzy handcuffed to my desk.

The good: Senze, Issue #4
The sad: R.I.P. Gilles Neret (My very explicit and super-erotic pick: Serge Jacques.
The really yucky, why I had to leave the Webzine2005 meeting early last night mumbling “I really have to go deal with the fucking horse fucker.”: Wet Spots

My friend Jackson’s response to the horse fucker (warning: scary bad image alert).

The best ending to my week: Boing Boing is offering $250,000 to anyone who can produce empirical evidence which proves that Jesus is not the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Zell Miller, there’s sauce on your face.

Update: Matching funds have brought the “Pastafarian” kitty up to $750,000! Look out Xeni, or Pat Robertson will have you wearing a set of meatball shoes and dumped in a river of pesto…

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Nibbles

Carly Milne is back! Her upcoming book looks amazing (and I’m thrilled to be in it). Detailed info at Amazon here.

I’m working on the Sex Blog Roundup right now and ran across GroupHug.us, the anonymous online confession blog. I felt happy to see I’m not the only one with repetitive zombie dreams. Though I don’t worry about having to destroy the rotting undead when I’m awake, unless you mean Ann Coulter.

Also, if you haven’t seen this amazing collection of fin de siecle bondage photos from from the Musee d’Orsay circa 1880-1890, go have a look. My friends at sexblo.gs post about it here.

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Craft Corner: DIY Porn In iPhoto

Warning to all delicate and sensitive PC-using readers: this is a Mac porn tutorial. But, take notes because this DIY porn slideshow project can be translated to many slideshow programs, and is *great* for putting on in the background while you get busy with a lover… Or enjoying fun images of your choice while listening to a sex podcast or several!

Why is porn so lame? It’s a question this girl asks herself every day. Almost like “why is the sky blue”, except something could actually be done to change it, though I’ll be we’re stuck with scary fingernails, caterwauling Barbies, unintentional 80s retro, fake-tit bimbos, dangerous sex acts, and gyno-medical fetishes for some time to come. I’m not talking about Comstock Films, Bleu Productions, Eon Mckai or indies like Pink and White. I’m talking about the *other* 12,000 titles released each year.

However, crusing around the web I often find a picture that flips that little arousal switch to “on”. Sometimes I find many tasty galleries. And maybe I want to enjoy them for my own private use later. Maybe I want to make my own porn — something a gazillion times better than “White Trash Whores #57”. How about taking that slideshow function in iPhoto and making is a special triple-X show, just for me (and a friend)?

Step 1: Images
First off, I’m not telling anyone to take and use photos that do not belong to them. But I know that lots of people have caches of hot photos they love to visit when feeling amorous (or self-amorous), or stumble across an image that just needs to be in their private collection. Drag the image to your desktop, or right-click to save it. Open iPhoto and drag the images into your library. Better yet, get out the digital camera make your own naughty slideshow — and show it to (or give it to) your lover.

Step 2: Make a Dirty Slideshow
Select the pictures and click the “new slideshow” button at the window bottom. Now you’re looking at your sideshow in the main window. Give it a name — but unlike porn box covers, you’ll use spell-check, right? If the pictures aren’t in the right sequence, you can drag and drop them into the order you find most pleasing. You can also add new ones by dragging more from your library, or the desktop.

Step 3: Editing

Click on the “settings” button to tweak with the duration, scale, fades and music settings. This will give you a chance to make a long, langorous slideshow, or a quick and dirty flip-through. How do you want the transitions between photos — does the hottie in the photoset strip for you in a fade, mosaic, dissolve, page flip, reveal…?

Step 4: Music

I can’t even begin to relate how many times I’ve started watching a hot DVD, and had the music completely ruin my arousal — bad music is one of the ultimate hard-on killers. Still, porn videos continue to have music that sucks so bad I’m considering going to a hypnotherapist to erase the psychic scars these experiences have left on my libido. But in iTunes, you can add any music you want to your private porn slideshow, or a dirty podcast if you want hot talk (or no music at all). Click the “music” button at the bottom of the window to bring up your iTunes library and make your selection. If you want to use more than one song (or podcast), select a playlist. Once you’ve made your selection, go back to “settings” and “fit slideshow to music”. Know that if you loop the slideshow, the pictures will drift out of time with the audio.

Step 5: Enjoy!
This may not be what iPhoto was made for, but it sure is a fabulous sex toy — slideshows can be used solo or coupled, or even with a group. Imagine lighting candles and having it run in the background with some sexy music while you exchange erotic backrubs with your hottie du jour. (Sexy slideshow + Portishead + warm massage oil = sublime.) Or, maybe it’s a novel way to listen to your favorte erotica being read in a podcast. Don’t forget that if you want to have the slideshow running for a while you’ll need to go into your System Preferences and change your screen saver and sleep settings, so your computer doesn’t time out before you do. Your slideshow can be exported as a QuickTime movie (for private use only, of course) — just go to “share” and hit “export” and select a size. Choose small sizes for emailing and large sizes for burning to a CD.

Get *really* freaky with iPhoto: more (unintentionally) dirty slideshow tips here.

** Photo of model Luba by Peter Hegre from cat in a tree; links to set are all dead 🙁

*** Update: Ed emails to tell me “Tiny Nibbles readers who are jealous of Mac owners like us should check out Picasa. I honestly like it better than iPhoto (much faster, more editing options, still quite intuitive), and it has similar slideshow capabilities to iPhoto, although it lacks the convenient integration with iTunes for choosing music.”

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All Your Wikipedia

are belong to marketers:

“I can’t say who I am, but I do work at a company that uses Wikipedia as a key part of online marketing strategies. That includes planting of viral information in entries, modification of entries to point to new promotional sites or “leaks” embedded in entries to test diffusion of information. Wikipedia is just a more transparent version of Myspace as far as some companies are concerned.”

(Boing Boing link)

I have been encouraged by my pal Thomas to get busy with accurate sex info at Wikipedia, but haven’t had a chance, though until now I had still intended to. Now I’m not so sure. I blogged SugarHive: The Sex Wiki and Wiki After Dark last week on Fleshbot and now I wonder how contaminated these wikis could get with adult spammer-type marketing content. It’s fairly easy to weed through the lame porn spam entries in things like del.icio.us and Technorati, but I wonder…. then again, big porn companies can barely match their press releases with their site content (and many have just discovered spell check), so why should I worry? Oh yeah — penis enlargement pill companies. Just think, you go looking for hope and advice, or at least information so you can get your sex life back in gear, and it’s an entry about pills and crappy dick pumps…

Update: BBC responded to their part.

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Great quote

I stumbled across this great quote a while back about blogging and felt particularly moved by it, especially when it resurfaced in my files today:

“i love blogs. i love blogging. not because i love to tell you all about my awesome, monumentally boring fucking day, about how there’s traffic on the freeways and shit on the radio and sluts on the teevee. but because when i take a breath of this world and every thing from the sick and ill to the devastating and the beautiful that haunts me fills me up and my chest wants to burst, i can take that energy and turn it into kinetic energy through my fingers that punch this keyboard, turning it into light energy that i see as pixels on a screen. and then it goes out to anybody in the world who wants to come on in and check it out. and maybe, just maybe, a few of you out there will connect with it. or even respond. and i feel less alone. i get to be a satellite. or a beacon. and the light’s on whether anyone’s looking out for it.”

—Lithium Journals (now defunct)

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How to find Open Source Sex in iTunes

I’ve been getting a lot of mail about not being able to access all of my podcasts in iTunes, so here are a few screencaps — click to enlarge:

** Update: London Boy made me a present — this link launches iTunes and opens it to Open Source Sex! Thank you!

Type in “sex” and you get this:

Type in “Violet Blue” and you get this:

Type in “Open Source Sex” and you get this:

As you can see, it looks like I only have one podcast. But if you click the little arrow next to “Explicit”, you get the full monty:

It’s so cool to have the parental advisory label on my podcast. Oh, Tipper, your legacy will live forver!

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In the SF Chronicle!

I’m pinching myself, I’m in the San Francisco Chronicle (print and web), in an article about… sex podcasting!

“Hot, steamy and now downloadable: Aural sex shimmies into the podcast as ‘podnography’ trend takes off”

I’m totally freaking out about this line:

“The Bay Area’s Violet Blue, according to Gray Dancer, is ‘the goddess of sex podcasting.’”

Wow! What a huge compliment. I’m pretty speechless, to say the least. But I just have two questions after reading the article. Susie Bright is featured heavily, yet she does not have a podcast. She has a show on the pay-subscription service Audible.com, and she uses a professional radio studio, but no podcast. Confusion about the medium? I do end up educating journalists quite a bit in the interviews, both about podcasting (most don’t know what it is but want to write a story), and about sex. Also, why won’t my local newspaper’s site link to me? Full disclosure: I was persued for an interview for this piece, but wound up playing phone tag with the writer, who seems really nice — I have been so sick (yes, still sick, now on antibiotics) that anything except Fleshbot has been difficult to even think about. I just blog, sleep, blog, sleep… I want to do a new podcast but still sound just terrible.

Anyway, it’s an enjoyable article. And yay, I made it into my local paper! Thank you, Daniel King.

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