Puss Y’Potamia

It’s confusing, it’s offensive in places for a number of reasons, but it’s impossible to stop reading this blog entry, “curiosities from Japan’s porno shops”. He’s obviously got little comfort around sex toys but his exploration is personal and interesting, even if it finally solves the riddle about what kind of guy still uses the word “porno”. (found @ Boing Boing)

Also — stand and deliver, Jon Stewart: if you missed last night’s incredible episode of the Daily Show, watch the Christopher Hitchens Iraq smackdown here (QT video; thank you Mojo!). I squealed like a girl when I watched it, which, I guess is pretty much the way I squeal. You see, in America we get our human sexuality education from porn, and our news from comedy shows. It’s like backwards day all the time. Also, while I’m on the topic of international relations, “MC Dubya” (same episode, Comedy Central) is good, but I think Gay Bar (QT video) is still the ultimate lo-tech classic.

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Damn Handjob Videos

painter3.jpgHotHardCock’s handjob videos are making it difficult for me to finish the Sex Blog Roundup today. Jonno will be mad that I am so easily distracted by penises. He should know by now how much I like the penis.

Thusly, my brain is fragmented and I’m going to keep this post going while I work on the roundup.

* I posted a new podcast last night, Open Source Sex 16 (MP3), all about sexual fetishes (with a few guest words from Miss Hottie Minx from Polyamory Weekly). I’m getting a flood of mail about it already, like a lot. Examples: “Loved your new podcast re: fetishes…it should spark an interesting “discussion” between my wife and I when she listens to it tonight.” * * * “I just finished listening to your OSS podcast#16 and felt moved to e-mail you a “Thank You”. As a person firmly committed to a monogamous relationship (married to the love of my life for 14 years now) I can attest to how isolated it can feel when you don’t believe you can share your fetish with the person with whom you are most intimate with… So as you said in your podcast, I bury my own desires in an effort to spare someone I truly love any mental anguish and out of a fear of poisoning the relationship. Your podcast was encouraging to me though. It was encouraging to hear an adult talking publically (or as public as a podcast is) about a fetish as a “gift” and not a “crime”.” * * * “You inspired me to build a blog in spanish called “El Dossier del Sexo”, or “The Sex Dossier”.”

* Not so new news items: Amazon.com selling sex toys and Google search clickthrough monitoring. Amazon has been quietly selling sex toys for well over a year (and porn, too). And as a rabid linker I know that you can’t right-click to save a Google URL (“copy link location”); Gmail users will know that any URL in an email is also not a direct hyperlink.

* Sex bloggers need to have more sex and post about it. Dammit.

* I need to have more sex and post about it. Dammit. Or at least have more sexo. I am also in need of variation-o. Lots of it. There, I said it. Hornboy asked what I wanted for my birthday next month and I told him flat out, “A threesome.” He stammered and grinned, “Okay.” I pinned him with my gaze and said, “With you and another guy.” Alpine skiing, I thought. The look on his face literally made me spit the sip of wine I mistakenly took for dramatic effect right back into my glass (a first). Hornboy turned red, well, kinda purple really, and said, “Well, it’s your birthday.”

* I’m completely freaking out because Extra Action is going to play with my other most favorite band *ever*, Modest Mouse. I’m listening to The Moon and Antarctica right now; it’s great Fleshbot music to blog by, something about the world of online sex and the circularity of their lyrics. Fuck, I need to buy a ticket.

* This girl is cute and she likes pancakes.

* Last month I had nearly 300,000 unique visits to Tiny Nibbles. My total podcast downloads is well over twice that now. I can’t even believe it. I forget that anyone reads any of this besides me and my friends. I got an email from Vivid (the porn company) saying that because my Google ranking was so high I could “benefit” from having an affiliate link to ‘Vivid Cash’ on my site. I have high traffic so I should link to them. Anyone else see the hilarity in that logic? Oh, world of adult. I almost wanted to say, okay, but only if you start making good porn again.

* This outfit is very simple, but I want to duplicate it.

* Last weekend I went to a birthday party for Mark’s son, who turned one year old. When Mark saw me across the park, he hurried over to me, embraced me, and said in my ear, “I miss you.” A space opened up in me, somewhere bewteen my stomach and under my eyes, pressing up like tears but not. After ten years, I am starting to understand what it means to have a family. This weekend we will make things go boom for the History Channel.

* OMG, look at this painting COOP is working on!

* This is a great tutorial on talking dirty. Ulp — I just realized I’m in it! Thank you, Katie!

* Okay, now I’m about to post the roundup. I just can’t decide which photos to use; lickable Dacia (pictured). (I love blogging at Fleshbot.) Likely the most colorful one; that always looks best with our white border and pink background.

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It burns, it burns!

My SFist column is up: a very snarkified guide to safer sex at Burning Man called “SFisting: That Burning Sensation”. Read at your own risk, if you like the event plan to be offended by my article, blah blah blah…

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Putting Rough Porn In Context

tv.jpgFirst, I know quite a few readers follow my sex blogging at Fleshbot, and this week (8/22-8/26) I’ve been released from the fleshy dungeon so I can work on a book and generally make trouble; you’ll see a lot more of me around here as I’ll be tidying and updating Tiny Nibbles (read: procrastinating my book deadline). And now that I finally have my voice back after my awful flu, I’ll be podcasting again, yay!

Of course, this also means I’ll be getting to the big pile ‘o porn screeners that have been accumulating next to my TV. There are some that look really good; I’m excited in many ways to get back to the grind. (sorry) Part of my porn break has been about time issues, but I also needed to take a little break for another reason. After 8 years of professional porn reviewing I wasn’t getting burned out, but I did see some porn that really, really turned me off. As a reviewer I’ve always managed to avoid watching porn that I know I won’t like; for instance I know there are a few pornographers who make really rough, brutal porn and are openly misogynistic. That might be okay, or even satisfy a need with the performers, and everyone makes their own decisions, and I can’t really assume anything about anyone I don’t know, but I know it’s not for me or my readers, so I skip it. On the other hand, I don’t like softcore, or what the porn industry passes off as “couples’ fare” which is usually fake romance crap and full of gender stereotypes — and I often feel the same way about “feminist, woman-made” porn, where you’ll never see spankings or kinky sex.

But for the past few years it’s been increasingly difficult for me to find a mainstream porn DVD that doesn’t have some kind of sexual brutality in it — and I mean specifically sex acts, or acts in sex, that are typically practiced consensually in BDSM. Face-slapping, choking, bile-gagging, forced cocksucking, stretching orifices open in painful-looking ways… all fine stuff for adults who know about safety, safe words, master slave relationships, negotiation — people who *get* why this might be hot for someone who digs intense power exchange. See the difference? But lately it’s in every DVD, without context, as part of a senseless formula. And it’s not just getting old, but without context, and done between performers who often won’t even look each other in the eye in their effort to maintain their work-related detachment, it’s creepy. Plus, it all makes porn more difficult for me to talk about in my encounters with press and mainstream American media, who are already predisposed to think porn is evil.

Anyway, yesterday I had an email conversation about it with a prominent adult industry editor in regards to Michael Ninn’s new videos. This editor sent me some comments about Ninn’s new movies, saying that he thought they would be well-appreciated by the BDSM community. And I was relieved to finally hear someone openly acknowledge that these acts belong in an S/M context; this editor is a hardcore lifestyle BDSM practitioner with a live-in slave and he is also very involved in the BDSM community (especially in an educational context). For people who don’t know who Ninn is, let’s just say that he’s a very artsy porn director whose films look like glossy beautiful music videos, but whose performers and sex acts have always looked and portrayed the mainstream formulas, albeit with a kinky (though seldom truly transgressive) twist. Still, Ninn has a huge fan base and his films (in the past) have been sexually important for many viewers.

When I asked the editor if he liked one movie in particular he wrote: “Well….you tell me. I thought it was hot, yes, but…I dunno. In some ways I think it is brilliant, in some ways it makes me feel icky to be a man … I guess what I feel weird about is that I feel like I’m either a) talking about a phenomenon that everyone else in porn has already discounted, which will make me look stupid, or b) talking about the elephant in the middle of the room, which will make me look stupid and get me completely blacklisted.”

After I read the rest of his comments about how it’s BDSM without the paddles and leather, and that the sex acts can’t be just written off as simply sex taken to an extreme (but that BDSM people will love it), I wrote him: “what I thought? so not for me. I’m sick of unexplained brutality in porn, who so does not get S/M, and neither will most of the mainstream viewers. I think Ninn has short-shifted himself by a) not facing up to his true demographic which is the hardcore bdsm community, and shoots himself in the foot by making porn for such a small audience (who doesn’t know it’s intended for them). for the mainstream, that package looks pretty but the sex acts will certainly offend. all I have to say is thank fuck you put his work in a bdsm context. no one else is getting it.”

His reply was, “…..and then when I went and had to write something about them, I realized how completely I could never put my name on something that says, basically “huh, fuckin’ bitch gets abused, fuckin’ hot, huh huh, I love fuckin’ abuse, huh huh,” which is what I would have to say if I were to praise them.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the humiliation, etc…obviously I dig all that. It just disturbs the fuck out of me that attention is not called to it as such. More telling, I think, is the fact that increasingly this is what is offered as “porn.” Insofar as its content is addressed at all, it is offered as “edgy” porn or “extreme” porn. This is fucking SM!! Frankly, I think it is revealing that it would pretty much be beyond the capability of the porn world to do “extreme” or “edgy” porn that didn’t have a power exchange of some sort. Which is all just fucking fine — but where is the porn where women humiliate men? I don’t think I have EVER seen porn where a guy is face-fucked and told “Yeah, you like eating pussy, don’t you, you’re a pussy eating little wimp.” The closest that I’ve seen is guys being made to suck a dildo and treated like a “cocksucker” therefore.

Even if “extreme” or “edgy” porn just means power exchange….or BDSM….or rape…..which it probably does, at least that’s the easy answer…..then why is it always a young woman, a thirtysomething (or older) man, and *her* getting face-fucked until she almost pukes? Why doesn’t *he* ever get choked or spat on? I mean, like, EVER? Meanwhile, female BDSM professionals don’t fuck, and the few titles with dominant females always have punishment but no sex. ‘Cause women don’t like sex, right? Only the women who are being degraded would want to do something like that, or would like sex if it was “extreme” in any way. Put them in control?

I guess it is all just symptomatic of a larger disgust with my fellow human beings, both female and male. It is just all so fucking depressing. I am quickly becoming the Hubert Selby Jr. of facial cumshots, the Moliere of sleaze.

Anyway, thank you for helping me spew out some of my thoughts about this. It is good to hear that I’m not completely off base. … But Christ…I just can’t believe that people who write about the industry could be so dim as to treat something like as “hot” and “edgy” and not even begin to discuss what it reflects for, y’know, male-female relations and all that.”

Grainy photo: Chas Ray Krider

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Wood envy

cocksuckers.jpgThere is a TV show I love. It’s called Deadwood. I’ve watched it from the beginning, and it has enough sex, nudity, profanity, wrongness, historical accuracy and incredible character work (not to mention jaw-droppingly amazing writing) to keep me hooked.

Apparently last night my hot friends Coop and Ruth lived a dream for me. Ruth writes, “He sat next to me at dinner tonight and is the SWEETEST man ever! He didn’t say COCKSUCKER once but he did ask me how the Jew-fucking was going….”

I dislike the cult of celebrity, Hollywood actors and all the hypocrisy that goes with it, but in this case you can color me green with envy…

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Nibble Me Quick

Again a teensy entry; I got called in for Fleshbot duty this week, which keeps me fuzzy handcuffed to my desk.

The good: Senze, Issue #4
The sad: R.I.P. Gilles Neret (My very explicit and super-erotic pick: Serge Jacques.
The really yucky, why I had to leave the Webzine2005 meeting early last night mumbling “I really have to go deal with the fucking horse fucker.”: Wet Spots

My friend Jackson’s response to the horse fucker (warning: scary bad image alert).

The best ending to my week: Boing Boing is offering $250,000 to anyone who can produce empirical evidence which proves that Jesus is not the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Zell Miller, there’s sauce on your face.

Update: Matching funds have brought the “Pastafarian” kitty up to $750,000! Look out Xeni, or Pat Robertson will have you wearing a set of meatball shoes and dumped in a river of pesto…

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Carly Milne is back! Her upcoming book looks amazing (and I’m thrilled to be in it). Detailed info at Amazon here.

I’m working on the Sex Blog Roundup right now and ran across GroupHug.us, the anonymous online confession blog. I felt happy to see I’m not the only one with repetitive zombie dreams. Though I don’t worry about having to destroy the rotting undead when I’m awake, unless you mean Ann Coulter.

Also, if you haven’t seen this amazing collection of fin de siecle bondage photos from from the Musee d’Orsay circa 1880-1890, go have a look. My friends at sexblo.gs post about it here.

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