HowTo: Give an erotic gift (for the holidays and beyond)

Image via Hegre Xmas gallery.

This is the weekend for holiday shoppers to rampage! And I’ve noticed a funny trend in the sexblogosphere this year, where instead of gift guides some people are making *guides to* gift guides written on other websites. It’s like so meta — so I thought for a minute about doing a guide to the gift guide guides: for example, Fleshbot’s is snarkily sweet, Viviane’s is fastidiously complete. Both lead you to pages of suggestions which may or may not be helpful — I thought of this when I put mine together for the Chronicle.

So, how about something that will actually help you select the right erotic gift? Finding toys is easier all the time, but picking the right one, or getting the right accessories for your fantasy is what’s more challenging. So, literally taking a page from my Guide to Sex Toys book, I offer ideas and tips for giving naughty gifts any day of the year.

General advice:

Is this a surprise? Slow seductions and planned fantasies are among life’s exquisite pleasures, but giving your sweetie something you know they’re not expecting — but want — makes for an unforgettable sexual tryst. But if it’s too unexpected, you might be met with shock, or worse. Make sure he or she has some idea that something’s coming. Giving someone a sex toy when they’ve had a bad day, are exhausted, or wish they’d showered before seeing you might make them feel awkward, or pressured. Plan ahead for a successful surprise, and make sure you’ve had some indication that they’d like to get frisky with you and a surprise sex toy.

If you don’t talk about sex or haven’t even broached the topic, a sex toy might not be the right way to get the conversation started; in fact, if the idea of sex toys is totally new to your lover and you give them a bright pink buzzing bunny, it might startle them so much it closes a door in your relationship for some time to come. Make sure you know they’re even remotely interested in sexual play or experimentation beforehand by talking about it. You don’t need to give away your surprise or plans for seduction, just lightly check in with him or her about trying something new in bed, just the two of you — this way you can fish around for anything that might be potentially “off the list” so you don’t wind up being a “bad Santa.”

More explicit suggestions on erotic surprises, and sex act idea kits, after the jump.

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First-time toys:

The key to picking out the right first-time sex toy is making sure you select a toy with enough options to ensure your lover can try a variety of different ways to get off. When buying a vibrator, your first impulse might be to grab a Pocket Rocket or mini-massager because they’re small, nonthreatening and discreet — they don’t look like vibrators. This might be a good choice if you know your lover is a little freaked out by the sometimes in-your-face way sex toys appear. But the drawback to a small one-speed vibe like this is that is has few options for the user — it’s mostly used for clitoral stimulation, so if your sweetie wanted to try vibration *and* penetration they’d have to get another vibrator, and because it’s only got one speed, that may not be *her* speed, if you get my drift. For first time vibes, pick a basic model that is suitable for both clitoral stimulation and penetration, and has variable speeds that can be changed as needed to achieve orgasm. Try a Slimline or a dual-action vibrator, both excellent first-time choices.

Sex toy surprise ideas:

* Before the present gets unwrapped, surprise them with an erotic treat, such as an aphrodisiac dinner, a full-body erotic massage, or read a sexy story together.
* Slip them a note telling her you have a naughty present for them later. Give it at your discretion.
* Give your lover a hint at what’s to come later — give them a note with instructions to get ready for hot sex later, leave an erotic picture with sex toys in it (like a sexy or vintage postcard) where they’ll find it.
* Treat your lover to a session of really hot, aggressive sex, then give them the gift after so they can think about the possibilities for your next round in the ring.
* Leave the present under your lover’s pillow to discover alone (or when you both slip under the covers).
* Tuck your gift in a bouquet of flowers.
* Hide the wrapped toy on your person and tell your lover to frisk you to find it.

Sex acts, and getting the right tools for the job:

* Masturbation fantasies, her: Slimline vibe, dual-action vibrator, bullet vibe, wearable finger vibe: variable speed vibes a plus.
Masturbation fantasies, him: Cock ring, masturbation sleeve, vibrating penis cup, Fleshlight, lubricant.
* Anal play: Butt plug, vibrating anal wand, anal beads, dildo: and lubricant, always.
* G-spot play, female ejaculation: Firm, smooth, curved dildo or vibrator and lubricant: can be glass, metal, hard plastic or firm jelly rubber. Variable speed vibes a plus.
* Strap-on sex: Easy-on harness, lubricant and dildo.
* Threesome fantasy with two people: Dildo with suction cup base that attaches to wall, chair or floor; sex machine; or harness that straps a dildo onto furniture or a pillow.
* Sexual power exchange: Restraints; sexual wearable such as nipple clamps, anal plug or chastity belt; blindfold; ball gag; remote control vibrator; teledildonic device.
* Being sexually “used”: Sex machine; face or body harness with dildo; extreme restraints; sex sling or swing; sex furniture; collar and leash.
* Bondage: Ropes, cuffs, arm and leg bindings; blindfold; bondage travel kits (sold at specialty BDSM stores); feathers and soft fabrics — or spankers, riding crop and whips.

Here are some recommended sites for shopping. There’s a lot, lot more in the book — have fun!

The post HowTo: Give an erotic gift (for the holidays and beyond) appeared first on Violet Blue ® | Open Source Sex.

Loving my new drift

I got my bag back from Virgin Airlines — phew! Bunny slippers are home! But so is my Blackberry, and now I’m torn between my Blackberry and the sexy white Drift Helio sent me to make up for my phoneless state. To my surprise, the coverage is way better than Cingular and people sound much clearer than on the ‘berry — and the Drift is *fast* online, yikes. The GPS on the Drift is addictive and OMG how I love having a cameraphone — if I can get it to integrate with Flickr I’ll have to take it with me everywhere. I’m still learning the user interface but it’s pretty basic, and Hacker Boy has already installed a big-boobed, gyrating porny screensaver for me. Because I just don’t have enough porn in my life.

The only thing keeping the Drift from becoming my permanent accessory is the lack of QWERTY — I really rely on being able to type out an easy email and I can (and sometimes do) blog on-the-fly from the Blackberry. Think of how much fun I could have if I could do photo and video posts live from crazy parties, sex events, mitzvahs and prison breaks! Or maybe it’s more like, how many friends and lovers can I alienate with my gadget addiction when I should be social, and instead of partying I’m standing there *blogging*… Am I a dork if I carry two phones?

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The holiday parties have begun


…And I’m taking video! Last night Hacker Boy was my sexy date and we went to the Chronicle newsroom party and then were VIP’d into the Good Vibes Holiday Ball, which was incredible — their best one yet. I wasn’t invited for a few years (heh) but I’m glad I’m back on the list. Plus, I got a gift bag with like five vibrators in it — one for each… uh… I’ll figure something out. I have batteries. I have two hands. And a flashlight.

I shot video at the Chron party (turns out I wasn’t invited to the SFGate party, hmmm), and managed to film Margaret Cho‘s very risque fan dance right when we arrived at the GV Ball. Seriously, when I can get a new camera, the quality will be better, but the videos are fun, and embedded after the jump. Next week I’ve been invited to a gay porn holiday party in a suite downtown… yay! A couple more photos from the GV Ball (like the one above — she liked posing for me) are in my Flickr stream.

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Click To Play

when I got to the Chronicle newsroom party last night I didn’t know anyone, so I made a video. turns out, I had a blast! I look tired — I’m still battling jet lag from hell, and slept 15 hours last night, ugh. as it happens, this was the newsroom party — while the online version of the chronicle had their own party across town at the same time. after this video, newsroom people warmly introduced themselves to me all evening, excited and congratulating me like crazy and asking ‘when are we getting you in print!?’ ‘I want to illustrate your column!’ ‘I read it every week and love it!’ so it was interesting to discover later that I wasn’t invited to the online (sfgate) party — pretty much the opposite of who I expected would include or exclude me. the paper loves me. the online editors… hmmm….

next year, I’m *so* busting out the disco moves for the newsroom party.

Click To Play

I walked in to see Margaret Cho doing an ultra-hot fan dance — I had no idea she had so much ink on her body. very, very sexy — while filming, I was given a handful of drink tickets from one of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence… it was a great start to a really fun party! this was shot with my crappy point and shoot so quality could be better, I know 🙂

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The anniversary of the exalted and the detrimented

A regular reader asks me a few personal questions, and since I’m wide awake at 2am and the holidays are at hand to remind me of family stuff, I felt like answering them. Q and A is after the jump.

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A reader asks,

“Moreover, like Hacker Boy, I want to ask the questions others won’t:
[22 Oct 06 “He asks me endless questions about what my life was like when I
was homeless and living on the streets for four years as a teen; no one has
ever asked me about this time.” WTF? Why not?]
Did you ever know your father?
Are either of your parents still alive?
Why do you sound vaguely Canadian?
What gave you hope?”

Why not?

I don’t know why my boyfriends and lovers never ask about this — once my past is out in the open, it becomes this sort of no-go area for the rest of the relationship, and no one has ever dug and queried like Hacker Boy. I could say for certain that in a few cases, it’s been that I’ve dated men who would rather be talking about themselves than anything else. But I also think that my stories are like horror stories for many people, and that the stories — I — make people uncomfortable. It’s too awful, and people just don’t want to know. It’s why I avoid holiday gatherings, especially with families. They always ask where my family is, and I won’t lie, but I can’t seem to sweeten my answers — and if any of the truth comes out, I’m like this thing everyone feels sorry for the rest of the night. Holidays and holiday dinner parties become for me the anniversary of the exalted and the detrimented. I’d rather be alone. But I think that if you really care about someone you ask the hard questions; I seek to be understood in relationships, but that’s rare.

Did you ever know your father?

I grew up calling a whole bunch of different guys “daddy”. Hell’s Angels, drug dealers, and one unbelievably physically and emotionally abusive Latino welder (my mother was actually married to him for a while). I remember coloring at the kitchen table while he punched her and dragged her by the hair across the kitchen, and put a kitchen knife to her throat. She sobbed, and said “god is watching you” which I think made him stop. This was “daddy”. I didn’t find out until I was ten that my real father was alive — she’d told me he died in Vietnam. After I got off the streets I used my status as his daughter to obtain his war records, then tracked him to a midwest state; I went to meet him and he talked to me for fifteen minutes, giving me a whole different (and I think, true) version of what happened between him and my mother, and then he asked me to leave and never come back. That was when I was 23. I was really glad I met him as an adult, so I could just see he was some fucked up guy — and not worth me giving him the emotional value of a father.

Are either of your parents still alive?

I have no idea, and I don’t care. I have a real family now.

Why do you sound vaguely Canadian?

Eh? Must be all the beer.

What gave you hope?


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GETV Roboexotica video #2!

Image by Jacob Appelbaum.

The second Roboexotica 2006 GETV episode is up! In it, I interview more robot makers, Jonathan Moore is so not helpful explaining what his machine does (“It makes a drink, and you drink it”), I coin a new bukkake term, and I drink throughout the video. I’m guessing you could put together quite a sequence of me drinking from both videos; I suggest watching both videos and making a drinking game out of it!

Watch More Cocktail Robot Madness from Roboexotica 2006, it’s quite fun. Also, check out the funny Lunchmeet interview with Joahnnes, the festival director and the crazy, crazy man whose house I stayed at in Vienna with Eddie and Jonathan. (Werd — can’t Podtech afford a URL for Lunchmeet? Also, their home page seems to be suffering from the SFGate columnist syndrome; it’s hard to find Lunchmeet from the front page; a category link in the tag cloud would be nice. Bummer, it’s a great show.)

Update: Coolness! The cigarette launcher facial recognition bot has a website (and presumably, a posse)! I *loved* these guys — they basically made a Pitching Machine for cigarettes — check out werpbot: this bot can harm you.

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Chron column: Knitting for adults only


At SRL for many months, us women in the shop have built up a frothy reservoir of angst toward Make Magazine for never putting forward women makers (as opposed to women crafters), and the whole overall “make is for boys, craft is for girls” vibe the empire exudes — don’t get me wrong, I’m friends with many of the Make people and love what they do and they’ve been very nice to SRL, but it’s just been irking us dirty-hands, hardware–robot-machine-hacking SRL grrrls for a while, and it’s even still a subject of discussion around the SRL shop and other environs.

So, that said, my new Chron column is up: Knitting for Adults Only. In it, I do snark on the girly-craft thing, but found my head totally turned by Nikol Lohr, the totally awesome author of Naughty Needles — and in my mini-interview, she likens the sexiness of knitting to the panty-wetting allure of someone who can rebuild a set of carburetors. My kind of girl, indeed — and I’m not kidding in the article when I say her new book totally goes on my porn shelf, it’s red-hot. Snip:

“Much to my surprise, San Francisco’s real sexual revolution seems to be happening neither on the streets of the Castro, nor in the sex-positive, women-owned sex shops, nor in Victorian apartments besieged by prolific feminist porn companies. Instead, it is happening in the last place I’d think to go shopping for a whip. At this very moment, the new discourse about reinventing intercourse (and many non-vanilla-flavored activities) is happening at the neighborhood yarn store.

(…) Two women wrestle in cavegirl bikinis. Pasties are modeled by a sexy lineup of women who could only belong in a San Francisco burlesque troupe. “Kinderwhore” is a knitting pattern for naughty schoolgirl socks shown on two mischievous adult schoolgirls. In one adorable photo, a demure model pouts amid a pile of sex toys and hand-crafted cozies for almost every sex toy that keeps Good Vibrations in business. Lest we forget that the ingredients for marital bliss can include love, a paddle and deft needles, one image shows a babe in latex playing cards on the back of a man made into a human table by way of the knitted blindfold and cuffs she’s administered.” Link (+ that’s Lohr in the sexy nurse uniform!)

Update: Boing Boing blogged me! Also, I had no idea Rachel and I were on the same meme trail — she also wrote about sexy knitting in her Voice column, and it’s (of course) a terrific piece! Mmmm, Rachel, yarn, cupcakes… ::sigh:: Don’t miss it.

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2006 Sexy Geek nomination time!

Last year I posted my top ten sexiest geeks of 2005 list on the 18th, and I’m going to aim for the same date this year — so if you have any nominations or suggestions for me, send them in: violet at tinynibbles dot com Last year’s sex geeks are still lickable, but will have to sit this year out — check the list to avoid double noms.

Wired has their list up and a really nifty way to vote on their selections for the Wired sexy geek ‘o the year — check it out.

I’m happy to see that there’s isn’t anyone on their list that would be on mine — no overlap, and yay more sexy geeks — but then, my list is very much at my own discretion. For instance, I take suggestions, but already have a file I’ve been compiling all year. I mean, I’m talking, let’s find the h4wt GILF material for reals — from my criteria last year, “I’m focusing here on computer and tech geeks; while sexy geeks come in all tasty flavors, I wanted to stick with the geek types I know are not just hot, but pervy enough to give the fantasies a little more fire *while* coding a script to run your vibrator in twenty more different ways via the web. I’m not counting celebrity geeks, as they occupy a more privileged realm than most and if given half a brain can buy their way into at least *looking* like a geek.”

Whose vlog makes you leave lube on your mouse? Someone do a hack that made you sweat and shiver? See a hottie making waves on the interwebs whose panties just might be 2.0 buzzword compliant? Who has the most hackable ass? Were you once temped to molest a signifigant passed-out Google, Yahoo, Technorati, Digg, Apple, (koff) Microsoft employee? Come across anyone you wish would spank you with a PSP while whipping your ass with mad skillz in WoW? Whose glasses would you like to lick, pocket protector you’d find wicked new uses for, who’d you most like to play “hide the handheld” with?

You know the kind. Single or not — it’s all in fun. Tell me! Image via the Linux Sluts Gallery.

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