Guan Zeju’s breathtaking new erotic oil paintings

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At our local (San Francisco) Weinstein Gallery — his Timeless series, link via sexblo.gs. I’ve been idly returning to these paintings for a few days when procrastinating, not even realizing that this painter is a San Franciscan… so wonderful. His new paintings are inspired by San Francisco Ballet’s principal dancer, Yuan Yuan Tan. Snip from his bio:

“Through the Cold War and the Cultural Revolution, Guan continued to paint, whether his surroundings and possessions were, by current standards, lavish or incredibly spartan. His efforts produced some of the finest Social Realist artwork in China, artwork now being understood for its influence on the social and political course of the world’s most populous nation. His numerous portraits and murals of Mao Ze Dong, paintings and drawings of ethnic minorities, images exalting the glory of the Han Chinese, collections in the National Museum of China, significant works in the Museums of Nanchang and Henan Provinces, as well as numerous prestigious private collections, stand as important testaments to the times in which he has lived.”

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Time’s business model of the year

I know this is a bit off-topic for this blog but… Reuters: Time magazine’s ‘Person of the Year’ is You. Snip, “You were named Time magazine ‘Person of the Year’ on Saturday for the explosive growth and influence of user-generated Internet content such as blogs, video-file sharing site YouTube and social network MySpace. (…) You beat out candidates including Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, China’s President Hu Jintao, North Korean leader Kim Jong-il and James Baker, the former U.S. Secretary of State who led Washington’s bipartisan Iraq Study Group.”

YouTube and MySpace are actually the person of the year. Phew, that saves a lot of work figuring out who’s actually been making the groundbreaking media all year. Person of the year as a content delivery site? Next week in Time — MySpace Photo Shocker: Sock Monkey Avatars In Sunglasses Have 150,000 Friends — Who Pays the Price? And, in national news: YouTube — Does Size Matter: Videos of Really Fat Cats Trying to Jump on a Couch.

I’m so glad the entire staff of The Onion freelance at Time, otherwise that rag would *never* be funny.

(See also: “Dictator Slays Millions In Last-Minute Push To Be Time’s Man Of The Year“)

Update: Gawker’s post ‘Time’ Person of the Year: You Can’t Be Serious — and especially the comments — make it all worthwhile. Examples: “Doesn’t this just mean ‘the computer’ won again?” and “where the fuck is my gift basket?”

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Love poems, for the Violet

Someone just sent me these, awww:

Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you

And:

Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
01000001011011000110110000100000011011010111100-
10010000001100010011000010111001101100101
010000010111001001100101001000000110001001100101-
0110110001101111011011100110011100100000011101000110 111100100000011110010110111101110101

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Justice Department panty raids, come cups

* It’s really easy to get lulled into thinking the 2257 harassment and shakedowns of pornographers is over since it’s not in the news these days — not so. Even though porn is not illegal in the US and 2257 is For the Children, the laundry list of legitimate businesses on the receiving end of raids grew by one entry last week. In addition to Pure Play Media, Evasive Angles, Darkside Entertainment, Legend, Sunshine Films, Robert Hill Releasing, Sebastian Sloane Productions and Diabolic — A team of FBI agents conducting 2257 records inspections visited the offices of K-Beech Inc. last thursday. (Xbiz)

* Viviane has a very (ahem) crafty kinky knitting roundup. Any more of this sexified crafting and I will have to knit myself a gimp hood, or an alpaca noose.

* The Jean Paul Gaultier Corset Umbrella (Le Corset) in red. I love the way this site sells cushions. Need I say more?

* Strange but true: facial corsetry with bioactive glass implants by artist Paddy Hartley and research scientist Dr. Ian Thompson.

* I just left Vienna, and now they’re about to get gender-equal road construction and exit signs! But I’m sad the cute ponytailed image didn’t make the cut: “a roadworks sign picturing a woman in a skirt digging into a pile of dirt and used on a campaign poster will not see the light of day because of traffic regulations.”

* Found on aptly-named Crazy Japan: the Tenga Deep Throat Cup. Best. Copy. Ever. “Special valves create a virtual vacuum inside the cup, to deliver an amazing sucking sensation. And, the unique pinched-in shape helps to achieve an unparalleled tightness. These advanced features combine with an arousing ‘slurping’ sound and vibration to give you the feeling that you’re enjoying a real deep throat experience.” OMG — all your penis cups are belong to New Adult Concept!

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Babes with books

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The cutest book nerd blog ever!!! I just found Babes With Books on (friends) Touche Sexy — and while there’s not much by way of skin (a little bit), it’s full of cute, real girls of all shapes and sizes looking saucy with their reads!

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HowTo: Give an erotic gift (for the holidays and beyond)

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Image via Hegre Xmas gallery.

This is the weekend for holiday shoppers to rampage! And I’ve noticed a funny trend in the sexblogosphere this year, where instead of gift guides some people are making *guides to* gift guides written on other websites. It’s like so meta — so I thought for a minute about doing a guide to the gift guide guides: for example, Fleshbot’s is snarkily sweet, Viviane’s is fastidiously complete. Both lead you to pages of suggestions which may or may not be helpful — I thought of this when I put mine together for the Chronicle.

So, how about something that will actually help you select the right erotic gift? Finding toys is easier all the time, but picking the right one, or getting the right accessories for your fantasy is what’s more challenging. So, literally taking a page from my Guide to Sex Toys book, I offer ideas and tips for giving naughty gifts any day of the year.

General advice:

Is this a surprise? Slow seductions and planned fantasies are among life’s exquisite pleasures, but giving your sweetie something you know they’re not expecting — but want — makes for an unforgettable sexual tryst. But if it’s too unexpected, you might be met with shock, or worse. Make sure he or she has some idea that something’s coming. Giving someone a sex toy when they’ve had a bad day, are exhausted, or wish they’d showered before seeing you might make them feel awkward, or pressured. Plan ahead for a successful surprise, and make sure you’ve had some indication that they’d like to get frisky with you and a surprise sex toy.

If you don’t talk about sex or haven’t even broached the topic, a sex toy might not be the right way to get the conversation started; in fact, if the idea of sex toys is totally new to your lover and you give them a bright pink buzzing bunny, it might startle them so much it closes a door in your relationship for some time to come. Make sure you know they’re even remotely interested in sexual play or experimentation beforehand by talking about it. You don’t need to give away your surprise or plans for seduction, just lightly check in with him or her about trying something new in bed, just the two of you — this way you can fish around for anything that might be potentially “off the list” so you don’t wind up being a “bad Santa.”

More explicit suggestions on erotic surprises, and sex act idea kits, after the jump.


* * * * * * *

First-time toys:

The key to picking out the right first-time sex toy is making sure you select a toy with enough options to ensure your lover can try a variety of different ways to get off. When buying a vibrator, your first impulse might be to grab a Pocket Rocket or mini-massager because they’re small, nonthreatening and discreet — they don’t look like vibrators. This might be a good choice if you know your lover is a little freaked out by the sometimes in-your-face way sex toys appear. But the drawback to a small one-speed vibe like this is that is has few options for the user — it’s mostly used for clitoral stimulation, so if your sweetie wanted to try vibration *and* penetration they’d have to get another vibrator, and because it’s only got one speed, that may not be *her* speed, if you get my drift. For first time vibes, pick a basic model that is suitable for both clitoral stimulation and penetration, and has variable speeds that can be changed as needed to achieve orgasm. Try a Slimline or a dual-action vibrator, both excellent first-time choices.

Sex toy surprise ideas:

* Before the present gets unwrapped, surprise them with an erotic treat, such as an aphrodisiac dinner, a full-body erotic massage, or read a sexy story together.
* Slip them a note telling her you have a naughty present for them later. Give it at your discretion.
* Give your lover a hint at what’s to come later — give them a note with instructions to get ready for hot sex later, leave an erotic picture with sex toys in it (like a sexy or vintage postcard) where they’ll find it.
* Treat your lover to a session of really hot, aggressive sex, then give them the gift after so they can think about the possibilities for your next round in the ring.
* Leave the present under your lover’s pillow to discover alone (or when you both slip under the covers).
* Tuck your gift in a bouquet of flowers.
* Hide the wrapped toy on your person and tell your lover to frisk you to find it.

Sex acts, and getting the right tools for the job:

* Masturbation fantasies, her: Slimline vibe, dual-action vibrator, bullet vibe, wearable finger vibe: variable speed vibes a plus.
Masturbation fantasies, him: Cock ring, masturbation sleeve, vibrating penis cup, Fleshlight, lubricant.
* Anal play: Butt plug, vibrating anal wand, anal beads, dildo: and lubricant, always.
* G-spot play, female ejaculation: Firm, smooth, curved dildo or vibrator and lubricant: can be glass, metal, hard plastic or firm jelly rubber. Variable speed vibes a plus.
* Strap-on sex: Easy-on harness, lubricant and dildo.
* Threesome fantasy with two people: Dildo with suction cup base that attaches to wall, chair or floor; sex machine; or harness that straps a dildo onto furniture or a pillow.
* Sexual power exchange: Restraints; sexual wearable such as nipple clamps, anal plug or chastity belt; blindfold; ball gag; remote control vibrator; teledildonic device.
* Being sexually “used”: Sex machine; face or body harness with dildo; extreme restraints; sex sling or swing; sex furniture; collar and leash.
* Bondage: Ropes, cuffs, arm and leg bindings; blindfold; bondage travel kits (sold at specialty BDSM stores); feathers and soft fabrics — or spankers, riding crop and whips.

Here are some recommended sites for shopping. There’s a lot, lot more in the book — have fun!

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Loving my new drift

I got my bag back from Virgin Airlines — phew! Bunny slippers are home! But so is my Blackberry, and now I’m torn between my Blackberry and the sexy white Drift Helio sent me to make up for my phoneless state. To my surprise, the coverage is way better than Cingular and people sound much clearer than on the ‘berry — and the Drift is *fast* online, yikes. The GPS on the Drift is addictive and OMG how I love having a cameraphone — if I can get it to integrate with Flickr I’ll have to take it with me everywhere. I’m still learning the user interface but it’s pretty basic, and Hacker Boy has already installed a big-boobed, gyrating porny screensaver for me. Because I just don’t have enough porn in my life.

The only thing keeping the Drift from becoming my permanent accessory is the lack of QWERTY — I really rely on being able to type out an easy email and I can (and sometimes do) blog on-the-fly from the Blackberry. Think of how much fun I could have if I could do photo and video posts live from crazy parties, sex events, mitzvahs and prison breaks! Or maybe it’s more like, how many friends and lovers can I alienate with my gadget addiction when I should be social, and instead of partying I’m standing there *blogging*… Am I a dork if I carry two phones?

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